Infertility happens…and it sucks!


The “Infertility worksheet”, she handed it to us after eight months of trying and four months of charting. I sat for a few seconds staring at the boldness of each letter. It was official, it was written in ink, it was the stamp that sealed the deal- we had infertility issues. Well I guess we knew we did, after almost a year without success and then finally seeking professional help for fertility. Infertility can be a long and lonely journey filled with hopeless dreams and endless heartache.

1 in 8 couples (or 12% of married women) have trouble getting pregnant or sustaining pregnancy (2006-2010 National Survey of Family Growth, CDC)

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When we first married, as a bride about to turn 30 with the dream of a big family, we were hoping for, and really thought we would have, a honeymoon baby. We even made a list of baby names (first and middle names!) as we waited in line for our luau, enjoyed Mai Tais, and walked the beach in Maui. It was such an exciting and hopeful time.

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Sadly, we did not have a honeymoon baby, but we kept our chins up and enjoyed our time as newlyweds. We figured the big fat positive would have to turn up some month soon. It just had to; we were young, healthy, very much in love and trying our best. Many friends and acquaintances we knew married and had honeymoon babies after all, how hard could it really be just to conceive?! Especially this day and age, when so many try to avoid pregnancy, it all seemed so unfair.

I recall a moment, quite vividly, at a Mexican restaurant when an acquaintance announced her pregnancy. They found out a few weeks after returning home from their honeymoon. She noted they weren’t even trying! I must admit it was hard for me to find a smile for a quick second. I did it, I smiled and I genuinely congratulated and even shared her joy. I really was happy for her. But somehow it added to the sting of the last nine months we had been trying, without success. The many moments I felt like I was letting my husband down, myself down, that my body wasn’t even working like a women’s body should. The moments when the hope and the ache-like longing to hold and nurture a child of my own slipped away as I grabbed a Kotex and a Kleenex- yet again.

The moments when the hope and the ache-like longing to hold and nurture a child of my own slipped away as I grabbed a Kotex and a Kleenex- yet again.

It was hard to stay positive. I was excited and happy for these women, the Facebook baby bumps I saw growing every month as we continued our perpetual wait. I found the patience to listen to other women venting about trying not to conceive and the challenge to avoid pregnancy due to recent birth or family size/issues. Many couples our age were already having three to four children. The pressure was mounting. We even took a month “off”. We needed an emotional break from it all.

We eventually worked with a great Napro Technology Physician, after about a year of trying. He looked at our chart, gave us a treatment plan – Peak Plus Progesterone?! Who knew?- and told us it should be anytime the next three months. Three months later it was there, finally! The long awaited big fat positive sign! Well eight of them (you’re welcome Clearblue, First Response and all generic brands) it was too good to be true! Our story is all too real for many couples and we did find our issue, and we are now enjoying our beautiful son. But, wow! What a journey it has been and still is, this infertility journey.

Three months later it was there, finally! The long awaited big fat positive sign!

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The pregnancy was a bit bumpy with Tuesday and Friday Progesterone injections. Endless thanks to my husband for being willing to administer these minute long injections with the now infamous butt needles. We did do this for most of the pregnancy and it was so worth it. We even saved the extra butt needles for the next pregnancy. The next pregnancy, here we go again, hopefully. We have been trying for six months. We will be meeting with our doctor again soon!

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Every couple has their struggles. Honestly, and I can hardly believe it as I type it, this has been a blessing overall. I find myself taking stock of all the good that we do have, not the baby I wish we did have. When I see that negative appear I take great effort to turn away from despair. I take a breath and take count of what I do have. I am so thankful we have a beautiful, healthy little boy. I am so grateful I get to try to keep making babies with my amazing, and did I mention he is easy on the eyes, husband. I am hopeful for the future of our family, for more children either biological or adopted. Infertility happens. And it does suck.  Finding hope, and dare I say gratitude, is my response (most days).

Infertility happens. And it does suck. Finding hope, and dare I say gratitude, is my response (most days).

God bless all you women out there trying, you are not alone! And please seek professional help if you have been trying without success. We highly recommend the Creighton Model, NaPro Technology method.

 

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You're off to great places! But do keep in touch!

In the words of Dr. Seuss, You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go. And when you get there take us with you!

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