It was three years ago that I was served divorce papers. It was also the same day my grandfather passed away. It is finally time for closure, to say goodbye, but to what, who?
I’ll be honest, after being married for almost 19 years and then being served divorce papers was a shocker! It turned my life upside down. I spent the next year finding a lawyer, learning the ins and outs of divorce, the divorce lingo, what a 75N is, etc., and then, after the settlement a year later I learned about and how to receive health insurance (I was a stay at home mom for almost 16 years), auto insurance, homeowners insurance, put the property tax due dates on my calendar, I basically became a “new” homeowner in a home I’d lived in for 19 years. I transferred electric, gas, utilities, etc. into my name, and let me tell you, that is time-consuming. But I did it. I have learned so much over the past three years, so much about life, family, and myself.
I have grown. I have officially left the cacoon of a former life and am transforming into the best version of myself.
The person I am saying goodbye to is myself! Shocker, right?! The person I used to be was easily manipulated, a victim of narcissistic abuse, etc. I am officially saying goodbye to the old me, the me who was overly consumed by how I made others feel, who was empathetic to a fault, who had no limits and no boundaries, to the weakest version of myself. I would have literally given up anything that made me feel comfortable in order to make another individual feel comfortable, and that is not healthy. Limts and boundaries need to be set in every relationship and others should be concerned about your feelings.
I am happy to say that I have done the hard work of actually setting boundaries, no longer allowing myself to be controlled or manipulated. Do you know the three indicators of control and manipulation? They are, fear, control, and guilt.
It takes a lot to become unshackled from another’s control.
Thus, the only person I really need to say goodbye to is my old self! She did not establish limits or boundaries for herself. It is important to realize your self-worth is not measured by other’s acceptance of you.
I humbly bear my condolences to the old me who constantly put others before herself to a fault. So without further ado, I say goodbye to the old me and celebrate the new me because she is freakin amazing!
What if we all changed that internal voice, that voice that says we aren’t good enough? What if we realized we did not have to be victims of our circumstances but allowed for the circumstances to help us grow into the best version of ourselves?
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 