On my commute home from work the song Escape came on, I’m sure we’re all familiar with the popular lyrics, “If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, if you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain…”. Have you ever actually contemplated those lyrics?
So basically there’s this guy who’s been with his wife for so long that the marriage is boring, or, as he states, like a worn-out recording of a favorite song. So while his wife is lying next to him sleeping he is reading the paper and notices a personal ad, that states, “If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, if you’re not into yoga, if you have half a brain, if you like making love at midnight, then I’m the love you’ve looked for, write to me and escape”. So for the younger generations, this is basically the equivalent of a DM. And what does he do? He gives in to the excitement, novelty, and temptation of meeting a new person. He does acknowledge that he isn’t thinking about his old lady and that that was inconsiderate but, oh well, so, he replies to the personal ad.
He acknowledges that he is into everything the woman described in the personal ad in addition to not being into healthy food and enjoying the taste of champagne. Then he eagerly expresses a need to meet her at a bar the next day so they can plan their escape. He goes to the bar the next day and that’s when the excitement and anticipation of the love affair with the sultry stranger and epic romantic escape plateaus. Because low and behold who should walk in but his wife!
Putting the issue of infidelity aside for the moment, how disturbing is it that these two individuals who had known one another for so long had fallen into a boring routine that as such led them to seek excitement from outside their marriage. Yet, what they were both longing for was the exhilaration that each could provide the other. So what’s going on? I personally think this song is spot-on concerning relationships in today’s culture. Given the convenience that technology offers means there is no lag time, and no need to contemplate the consequences of one’s action, instead one can impulsively quench their thirst for thrill-seeking titillation from a stranger. Why? Two words, no commitment! Oh, the irony of my commute home, as I drove up the YMCA driveway to pick up my son the sign out front was blinking those two words, NO COMMITMENT, NO COMMITMENT, NO COMMITMENT. Though that was regarding their latest membership deal, that sign was accurate, today it seems like many people prefer no commitment. To be fair, commitment to a relationship is a lot of work, it means waking up every day and making the conscientious decisions to put the other before yourself, to make your relationship a living promise between the two of you that you nurture and consistently work on together. This does not mean that it is 50/50 or even each partner giving 100%, it means there will be times when one gives 200% and practically carries the relationship while the other is at 15% and then reversing roles and the partner who was at 15% is the one then giving 300%, it ebbs and flows. Additionally, it’s about making the effort to never lose the honeymoon phase.
“The honeymoon phase is over”, this saying leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. As if to say the intense passion and intimacy is over within the first few months of a relationship. Can we normalize keeping the passion alive? Sure, bills need to be paid, there are work obligations and family responsibilities, but that’s life. We do not escape with a sultry stranger to feel those euphoric feelings that accompany a new relationship. Instead, we need to cultivate an ongoing intimacy that is congruent with real-life responsibilities and obligations. Here’s the thing, in a committed relationship there will be times when you will both be tired, raising a family is exhausting but be exhausted together, you are on the same team, embrace the crazy rollercoaster of life together and make it fun! Make time for your escapes to reconnect as a couple, plan date nights with novel activities, such as learning how to cook a new dish together, or, get a sitter and go to a hotel for the evening, rekindle the romance. Enjoy and continually grow together, learn more about your partner, and never stop inquiring about their dreams, fears, new interests, etc., if that’s too much, just start small with a simple question, do you like pina colada’s and getting caught in the rain?
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 