Relationships are beautiful, complex, and at times deeply challenging. While love is often the spark that brings two people together, maintaining a healthy partnership takes self-awareness, communication, and mutual respect. Below are three issues that often sneak into relationships and how to proactively address them.
1. Trying to Change Your Partner
One of the biggest traps people fall into is believing they can change someone. Whether it’s a habit, a personality trait, or even a way of expressing emotion, many of us think, “If they loved me enough, they’d change.” But the truth is: people don’t change simply because you want them to, and trying to mold someone into your version of who they “should” be can lead to control, resentment, and emotional distance.
When you try to change your partner, you’re implicitly sending the message: “Who you are isn’t enough.” That hurts. Over time, it can cause your partner to feel they must suppress parts of themselves, or worse, lose their sense of self just to please you. Research supports this: one study found that when romantic partners repeatedly requested change, the ones asked to change experienced more negative emotions such as guilt, shame or resentment. Psychology Today
If a partner does change because of pressure, it may be short-lived, or they may comply while inwardly feeling disconnected. There’s a difference between encouraging growth and expecting transformation. A better approach: appreciate your partner as they are right now. Accept their quirks. Then ask: Is this a deal-breaker, or simply a difference I’m uncomfortable with? When you accept someone, you create a climate of safety and respect, and any growth that happens happens because both people want it, not because one demands it.
2. No Mate Comes With a Manual
Let’s face it: you did not get “Partner 101” instructions when you fell in love. Many people, especially women (though not exclusively), expect their partner to read their mind. They assume their needs will be obvious, or that their partner should know what to do to make them feel seen and validated. That expectation is unfair and dangerous.
Healthy relationships require open, compassionate communication. Be true to yourself, yes, but also take your partner’s perspective into consideration. Ask yourself and your partner: What do you need from me in order to feel seen, validated, loved? Then share your own needs in a kind, clear manner. Vulnerability can feel scary, but it’s the bridge to connection. One body of research emphasizes that effective communication is strongly associated with relationship quality: couples who engage in more effective communication, fewer negative interactions, and more constructive conflict management tend to report higher satisfaction. PubMed
Your partner cannot read your mind. Don’t expect them to. Instead, cultivate an atmosphere where both of you can say what you need, what you feel, and what you hope for, in a kind way that doesn’t blame or shame the other person.
3. Growing Together Through Mutual Accountability
Finally: love doesn’t mean complete submission or always giving in. A successful partnership is one in which each person holds the other accountable, not in a punitive way, but in a loving way. It means that each is committed to the good of the other and the good of the relationship.
What does this look like? For starters, it means having the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. Conflict will come. The difference between thriving and surviving is how you handle it. Discuss how you’ll deal with conflict before the fireworks happen: establish ground rules, agree that you’ll attack the problem not your partner’s character, focus on solutions, own your part. Praise your partner when they are vulnerable. Acknowledge the courage it takes to bring up the difficult topic. Celebrate the growth you’ve achieved together.
When both people are committed to growth, not because one wants to change the other, but because both want to become their best selves, the relationship thrives rather than suffocates. Over time you look back and see: we’ve grown together. We’ve evolved. We’re better not despite our differences, but because we acknowledged them and used them as a path for connection, not division.
In the End
Lasting relationships are built on acceptance, communication, and accountability.
When you stop trying to change your partner, when you speak openly about your needs, and when you commit to growing together, love deepens. You begin to see not just who your partner is, but who you both are becoming together.
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 