Are you planting seeds of insecurity in your relationship? 

Are you planting seeds of insecurity in your relationship? Whether you’ve been married for years, just got married, are engaged, or perhaps you’ve just started dating, everyone can agree that there is nothing more rewarding and fulfilling than being in a healthy mutually respectful romantic relationship. And let’s be honest, that healthy relationship doesn’t just build itself overnight. It takes…

Photo by Vera Arsic on

It takes a proper foundation first, one that is excavated through vulnerability, poured with love in unison with the building blocks of patience and trust, all mortared together with loyalty.  Only once that foundation has been laid can the relationship build. And like any solid structure, once built it requires maintenance. Maintenance to ensure there are no outlining issues that could damage or crack that foundation. That there are no seeds being planted, vines being grown that could slither their way into tiny cracks and ultimately deteriorate that foundation.  How do you know if those seeds have been planted? How do you know if your foundation is in trouble?  And if it is is it possible to mend it?

How do you know if those seeds have been planted?

Have you been vague, or not forthcoming with information? Have you deliberately left information out when it comes to your whereabouts or interactions during the day? Are you secretive or hiding information? The seed has been planted. 

How do you know if your foundation is in trouble?

When your partner doesn’t come to you and share their insecurity anymore, that is when you know you are in trouble. When your partner fears your response to their vulnerability, due to past interactions and your reactions to said interactions. In the past did they come to you and express concern over a social media interaction with someone of the opposite sex? Or perhaps they shared an observation regarding your phone habits becoming odd, borderline secretive, always making sure your phone is facedown, carefully hiding your screen when texting, etc.? Or perhaps they came to you with a concern over a new financial decision you made without them, did you switch to paperless statements and fail to inform them or give them access? We could go on for days regarding issues or concerns that could be interpreted as a red flags by your partner.  To be fair, I don’t think there has ever been a time in history that has brought about more temptations in a relationship and thus more insecurities. Thanks to the convenience of smartphones we can pay our bills at the touch of a screen, attend a work conference call, and reply to emails. That being said, we can also cheat, hide bills or specific itemized statements we don’t want our partner to see, watch porn, etc. Smartphones are brilliant when used for good, but there is a temptation lurking 24/7, a temptation that when acted upon could lead us down a terribly destructive path.

Photo by Vera Arsic on

Is it possible to mend it?

Relationships like infrastructures can form cracks in the foundation over time. The key is to catch it early on and properly mend it so no further damage can be done. How does one go about doing so in a relationship? One word, transparency. Transparency, don’t even allow the seeds of insecurity to grow. There shouldn’t be any need for secrecy in your relationship. If you cannot be vulnerable, open, and honest with your partner trust will be broken, loyalty lost, and hurt and destruction will ensue. 

What’s more, when your partner comes to you with insecurity be kind, and compassionate, and recognize that it took vulnerability to share these feelings that they might otherwise internalize as an inadequacy. The more we can nurture, support, and comfort our partner and make them feel secure the stronger the bonds of trust and loyalty, and ultimately the healthier the relationship.

Have you been in a relationship where transparency was an issue? Are you afraid of being vulnerable with your partner?

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