This is 44!…or 22!?

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! It was an awesome birthday. The first gift of the day, the gift of time with a snow day! I mean, come on, ALL parents can agree that that is the best gift, having a work day suddenly canceled, the BEST!!! Followed by my man dropping off my favorite, Rustbelt Coffee & Bakery Unlimited donuts!

Thanks to that snow day I was able to stay in my PJs and get caught up on grad school forums/readings until 3pm. And guess what happened at 3pm? I got a workout in!

The finale, roses, balloons, & walking boots! So, between the two of us, he has his two children 50% of the time, I have my children 100% of the time (my ex lives full-time with his girlfriend and hasn’t seen our children since Christmas, but it is what it is, I’m happy for him, just make time to see the kids!!!), he has school, work, and his elderly mother lives with him, I have school and work, so life leaves us little to no time between his house and household and me running my house and household so our reprieve is walking! Lol! We try to squeeze in at least three walks around our neighborhood each week and a walk at one of our awesome Metroparks on the weekends. Thus, walking boots were precisely what I needed!

I’ll admit that 44 is a lot like being 22 all over again. It’s like I’ve been given a second chance, not a do-over, but perhaps a do better?! At 22 I was in a committed relationship, ( I married my ex at age 23, and we were married for 19 years) and I was going to graduate school ( I received my Master of Science when I was 24). So is there a difference? Yes! The difference is I’ve gained 22 years’ worth of wisdom! Honestly, in the past 4 years, I’ve learned a significant amount!

Specifically, in the past 4 years I’ve gained much wisdom, insight, and education. I’ve learned about narcissists, specifically covert narcissists, boundaries, how to survive financial abuse, learned about the legal system, learned that alimony and child support means absolutely NOTHING if your ex-spouse falls on hard times and is not employed. And THIS, THIS right here, THIS is an issue, most women (men too) go through hell for two or three years during the divorcing process only to think they have been through the worst once the divorce is finalized. Not true. Ladies and gentlemen, when it comes to budgeting, do NOT bank on/your partner’s income because there might come a day when there simply isn’t one and you have to pay all the bills for the children.

I’m sure we’ve all met “that mom”, again it could be “that dad”, but far often than not it’s a mom going through a tough divorce and then it’s finalized, things look good and things are good until they aren’t. Great example, my lawyer refused to allow my now ex-husband to be accountable for any of my legal fees even though he was the one who filed for divorce after 19 years of marriage. I went along with it. Do not do this, learn from my mistake. Anyway, long story short, please, PLEASE, DO NOT give SINGLE MOMS a bad name, most are trying REALLY hard to make ends meet without the support of their children’s other parent.