The strange circle of life means the parent-child relationship comes back around and reverses at some point. Your parents looked after and nurtured you as a child, but in their senior years, you do the same to them. It’s almost like you become their parent, which is concerning when you also have children of your own.
Loads of moms go through this, and you can end up feeling overwhelmed because you’re basically being a “double-mom”. A huge chunk of your time goes to looking after your kids, and then the rest of your time is spent looking after your aging parents. It’s not a fair situation to be in, so here are some tips to care for senior parents when you already have kids.
Combine Your Duties (When Possible)
See if you can combine your childcare and elderly care duties into one activity. This won’t always be possible, but there are many times when you can bring the kids with you when visiting your parents. If you have slightly older kids, then you can get them to run errands for their grandparents or do things like mowing their lawn while you make dinner.
When your kids are really young, you can simply take them with you to grandma & grandpa’s so you can look after both in the same setting. It also helps develop a bond between kids and their grandparents – and funnily enough, being around young kids is really beneficial for elderly people’s health. They love kids, and it gives them a big mental boost.
Don’t Be Afraid To Say No
Combining your caring duties helps to ease a bit of the burden, but you also need to understand that it’s okay to say no to your parents. Yes, they raised you, and you want to honor them as they get older, but that doesn’t mean you must become their full-time carer.
Set boundaries and be prepared to tell them that you can’t do certain things. You can’t go over every day to cook them lunch and dinner, and you can’t constantly do their shopping for them. You already have a family back home to take care of – and what about if you also have a job on top of that?!
It can sometimes feel like you’re obliged to do everything for aging parents, but you don’t have to. Say no when you’re overrun or overburdened; it’s entirely within your rights.
Find Ways To Ease The Pressure
Why do some of us fail to say no? Because we worry about our parents and how they’ll cope without all of this help. It’s particularly problematic when they have dementia or Alzheimer’s because you feel like they need extra supervision. If that’s the case, then you should find ways to ease the pressure on your shoulders while ensuring they still get help. Perhaps this manifests in the form of a part-time carer, or maybe you need to check them into a memory care facility. Many possibilities spring to mind that show your parents can be cared for without you looking after them 24/7.
At the end of the day, you’re already a mother to your own children, and that’s the toughest job in the world! You don’t have the physical or mental capacity to be a double-mom, so use these tips to help you care for senior parents without getting overrun and burnt out.
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 