Get adequate sleep, workout, eat healthy, etc. “Place your oxygen mask on first”. As moms we know what we NEED to do. And boy is everyone quick to remind us, doctors, friends, family, etc. But have you ever noticed that no one really tells you how? HOW are we supposed to make time for ourselves when some of us are running the equivalent of small virtual town within our homes, with remote learning/virtual schooling, working from home, in addition to doing laundry, feeding kids, getting groceries, & keeping the world turning? Here’s your HOW….
Motherhood in your 20s vs 30s
This week’s podcast is up! (Click on link below) This week’s topic, starting a family in your 20s vs your 30s. Feel free to share with friends & engage in the topic via a comment below…when did you become a mom, in your 20s or 30s?
My Sheroes do more than Eat Pray & Love
You gotta love Hollywood, add an emotional soundtrack that will tug at audience’s heartstring to any image and/or picture and suddenly watching someone have the equivalent of a bowel movement is not only acceptable, but creative and inspiring. To add insult to injury why not blast Facebook with beautiful images of bad advice, hashtag vague phrases, and ultimately misinterpret ones purpose for life entirely. Once you allow your mind to be fed this alluring lifestyle that breeds self-love, self-assurance, self-analysis, self-examination, self, self, SELF, one could easily become glutton and drunk on the magnetism.
There is a group of women who are quite popular, mostly due in part because of their all-encompassing self-everything books, lifestyles, and who have grown quite a huge presence on social media, via popular picture/quotes, hashtags, YouTube videos, etc. and they have been known to identify each other as Sheroes=She +Hero. Upon learning that yet another one of these Sheroes had decided to leave her husband I literally wept. For I knew that her decision was monumental, she did not just end a marriage, break a vow, a promise, a commitment, but she also broke a family. And once something is broken, shattered into a hundred pieces, no matter how much time, love-wins Band-Aids are placed on it, or glue is used it will never be the same ever again. My heart really breaks for the children; they will never again have a, one, single home, but rather, mom’s house and dad’s house. We can justify anything, there are probably a million and one reasons why this broken family is for the best, but if one goes deep, really deep, beyond the mind, past the heart, to the soul, that is where truth sleeps.
After sinking into a mild depression upon reviewing the Sheroes of our time, these mentors of moms, these role models, leaders with such huge followings on social media, I came to the realization that I was listening to the emotional soundtrack, it was tugging at my heartstrings, & I was watching the equivalent of someone having a bowel movement. I was duped. I started contemplating all the other women in my life that might be feeling this same sense of being deceived and suddenly I had a revelation, a deep insight, my Sheroes weren’t those women with the all-encompassing self-everything books, movies, YouTube videos, etc. My Sheroes are the amazing women God has placed in my life, their stories are profound, and they are the true Heroes.
My Sheroes are…..
The wife who found out her husband was cheating on her and she stayed, worked things out, kept her family together despite all the horrible advice she received to leave. It was far harder for her to wake up every morning and see him and relive all the hurt than it would have been to leave but her love for her children, family, God, her commitment to marriage and her family was more important than her emotional state at that time.
The mother who has a nonverbal autistic child, who does everything she can for that child, along with her family, who you know must live with some heartache but maintains a positive outlook.
The wife and mother who had tumors removed from her brain and who now has to live with side-effects from the surgeries.
The woman whose husband cheated on her, refused to work on their marriage, left her, got remarried, had children, his second wife died, and this amazing women opened her heart and home to her ex-husband’s children because the children were innocent in all his life decisions.
The mother who not only had to give birth to her stillborn baby but also had to go through the heartache of explaining to the other children why their sibling wouldn’t be coming home.
The mother whose dream finally came true and she gave birth to her second, much prayed for child, only to find out the baby needed open heart surgery immediately.
The young wife whose husband had testicular cancer twice early on in their marriage and her commitment, her sacred vows of Holy Matrimony meant far more than any biological family.
My Sheroes do more than Eat Pray and Love, they stay! When the going gets tough, no matter how many times, they persevere, they stay….these bad-ass women honor their commitments!
These amazing women are held to high esteem in my mind, are very close to my heart and each of their stories have touched my soul deeply.
Are there any Sheroes in your life? Perhaps you are a Shero? Please feel free to share your story.
The, “Why are you STILL a SAHM” Shaming….STOP Shaming Other Moms, No Matter Their Story!!!
So apparently if you are a SAHM who doesn’t homeschool and your youngest is in preschool you are totally looked down upon! This nonsense started WAY back in August! I cannot tell you how many times people, people who I call friends, have asked me, “So, what are you doing with all your free time?”….”So, you say you are busy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”…”Now that the kids are in school WHAT DO YOU DO!?” “You have your BS & MS, are you using those now or are your still JUST raising kids?”. I have to be honest these comments are so hurtful! It makes me feel like I am lazy, worthless, not pulling my weight in society, insignificant, a waste, shameful, etc. And the real kicker, I get it from both sides, the SAHM & working moms…and guess what, I have NEVER worked so hard in my life!!!
True my oldest is in 4th grade, second child is in 2nd, and third is in preschool, all outside the home. So if you add it all up I have exactly 7-1/2 hours a week without children. Not quite enough for a fulltime gig. And truth be told, during that time I am usually doing something for others or, God forbid, taking a few minutes to myself, to reconnect with God, to have time away from the children, to center myself, to hopefully become a better mom. And then I am tossed back into the game of motherhood.
My husband travels with work and I know there are some moms out there that can relate but based upon the comments I receive there are a lot who have no clue! Imagine if you will, your husband being gone for 4 days out of the 5 during the week, and possibly a Saturday here and there. Imagine you are the only person, parent there 4-5 days out of the 7. Imagine you are the sole provider of all meals, clean clothing, discipline, homework helper, chauffeur, religious guidance, etc. during the week & possibly for part of the weekend that often includes a birthday party, game, church (And you have a 1 year old EXTREMELY energetic Labrador puppy & are driving to PETCO every 4 days to buy crickets for the gosh darn Gecko…I love my pets, I do, put sometimes!!!)
I do ALL the meal planning, ALL the meal prep, ALL the cooking; packing of lunches, anything & everything with food is my responsibility exclusively! We kick it old-school. My husband busts his butt and is the sole provider of our family and I love him to death for all his hard work. And I am the sole provider of ALL things household & kid related, which might come as a big surprise to some people, but, IT IS A LOT OF WORK!!!! Children don’t come to this planet knowing how to do math, spell words, be kind to others, be respectful to other, having a relationship with God, etc. those are ALL taught by someone. And on those days when you wake up in the morning, make breakfast, get kiddos ready/dress, go to start the car & it doesn’t start it is ALL on you, it is your responsibility to make EVERYTHING run smoothly while your husband isn’t there! And when you have a rotten day & could use a hug in the evening and maybe some TLC but you have to keep going strong through bath time, showers, evening prayers & stories…no matter how you are feeling, when no one is there for you in the wee hours & you have to stay strong it doesn’t help hearing others’ voices reverberate comments in your head from earlier in the day, “SO, what do you do with ALL your FREE time?”
So, the next time you come in contact with a mother whose children are school aged and she is a SAHM, the appropriate reaction/comment might be, “That is awesome!”…”Wow, that is a lot of hard work, way to go!”….give her a hug…or better yet, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!!!!
P.S. There are some moms out there who don’t feel comfortable sharing everything on social media or perhaps cannot due to respecting others involved & who are going through some rough times. Please, please remember to always be kind…BE KIND to ALL!
I love you ALL, single, married, small families, big families, working moms, SAHM, etc. but please work on being kind to one another…we ALL matter!
Moment that defines an Experienced Mom vs. A New Mom
What a day! We (my preschooler & I) have been running errands all day, Costco, candy & mints shop for teachers’ gifts, etc. with a few brief pauses in-between for lunch, and to pick up kiddos from school. With Christmas only 10 days away we have a lot of people and gifts to still cross off our list, thus, after my son got picked up for basketball practice this evening the girls and I set out to run a few more errands. Perhaps I was biting off more than I could chew; I mean, how long can a 5 year old run errands without something happening?
Our last errand of the day, Barnes & Nobel! The girls and I strolled in, located the items we needed, and started to make our way to the exit. We were so close to the door, in the main/central aisle, and then it happened, my little precious 5 year old started having a coughing fit. Now this might not seem like a big deal to most but my little lady isn’t like most. See, she is getting over a cold and has a bit of mucus, she hates mucus! Unlike her sister and brother she can’t handle excess mucus; can you guess what is coming next? She looked up at me with that gaze and I knew I knew she needed to get outside STAT!! But instead of moving she stood her ground, more like claimed her ground. She stood their coughing and coughing until she coughed up her dinner right there in the central aisle of Barnes and Noble during the busiest season of the year!!
Oh the looks, the verbal displays of dismay, the crowd that formed around us, fingers pointing at my poor little lady now in the center of a little pool that was once her dinner. I sprang into action, first order of business, eliminate my little lady’s embarrassment. I ran over to the Starbucks counter & retrieved as many cocktail sized napkins as I could to cover up the evidence. Then I walked around the store trying to locate an associate but I was unsuccessful, so I went over to the Starbuck’s barista and inquired about towels or mop to assist in the cleanup. She was a bit nervous; this must have been her first kid puking in the middle of the aisle incident. Don’t worry, I talked her through it, Lol! She got on the phone trying to contact someone and I assured her things would be okay, we were going to get through this if she could just part with a few paper towels and perhaps a couple bags. She handed me said items while still holding the phone and eagerly trying to contact help. I knelt down and cleaned up the mess, it took a few trips to the garbage, a few more glares and verbal declarations of disgust from strangers, and I had the mess almost entirely cleaned before the barista came over with a wet floor sign. As I gently guided my 5 year old up and we strolled outside I couldn’t help but grin from ear-to-ear, I kinda totally rocked that entire situation!
As I helped my little lady into her booster seat I couldn’t help but think back to when I was a new mom, back when my eldest was my youngest age, and how different the outcome of a situation like that would have been. My first inclination back then, as a new mom, after my child started vomiting in a crowded public place like that would have probably been one of total mortification. I would have become beat red in the face and overly consumed with other’s judgements and opinions of me as a mom. I probably would have beaten myself up and convinced myself that it was my entire fault. It would have probably taken me weeks to recover. So, why share my thoughts on this situation? Because, I want all those new moms to know that they are not alone, we have ALL been there at one time or another, it is not your fault; and yes, it will get better, promise! And I want us experienced moms to rejoice and be thankful for how far we have come, how much wisdom and knowledge we have attained.
Lastly, it is so important that we support one another, both old and new moms. We can learn so much from one another. Encourage, inspire, strengthen, and love one another no matter where we might currently be strolling on the path called motherhood.
What are your thoughts? Are you a new mom, experienced mom? How have you grown in motherhood?