By a Mom Who Blinked and Somehow Ended Up With a 20-Year-Old

Tomorrow is a massive day, the kind of day that hits you right in the chest and makes you whisper, “Wait… how did we get here?” Because tomorrow, I officially become the mother of a 20-year-old. A twenty-year-old. Holy crap. I swear it was just yesterday that I was pregnant and terrified that if my push wasn’t strong enough, I’d end up in a C-section. And yet, here I stand, two decades later, wondering how time moved so quietly and so quickly behind my back.

A family poses outdoors in festive matching pajamas, celebrating the holiday spirit next to a large 'JOY' sign surrounded by evergreen trees.

Life has been a beautiful circus. I had two more babies. I ran a moms’ group with over 500 members. I joined the PTA. I hosted neighborhood parties that probably violated several noise ordinances. I navigated a pandemic, remote learning, and the emotional Olympics of divorce paperwork in 2021. I worked. I am navigating dual graduate school majors. My eldest graduated from Toledo Early College while I addressed invitations at 2 a.m., exhausted but proud. And then she started college as a second-semester sophomore, while working. She amazes me. What blows my mind is that eventually motherhood will trump my existence. Here I am , a mom for 20 years, eventually I will have lived more life as a mom than not.

So yes, I’ve lived some life. And with that life, I bring you how to not just survive the teenage years but thrive:

A mother and her three children smiling together under decorative lights on a nighttime street.

1. Prepare to Stay Up Late

Biology turns them into night owls. And somehow, their deepest, most important thoughts don’t surface until 11:37 p.m. Just when you’re about to pass out, they suddenly want to talk about life, college, heartbreak, spirituality, the meaning of existence, and why the dog acts like a cartoon character.

Sentimental truth: Those late-night talks will become the moments you treasure the most. I still remember sitting on the edge of my bed, exhausted, listening to my teen unravel her heart in the kind of honesty daylight can’t hold. You think you’ll remember it forever, but you won’t, except for the feeling. The warmth. The trust. The moment your child chose you when they didn’t have to.

2. They Will Forget Everything

You’ll remind them to brush their teeth, shower, turn in homework, eat real food, and clean up the science experiment growing in their room.

Sentimental truth: One day, you’ll walk past their room and realize the reminders have stopped because they’re grown now, and the silence will ache. All those things that drove you nuts were little signs they still needed you. You’ll miss being needed in that small, everyday way.

3. They Are Always Hungry

Teenagers eat like they’re preparing for a professional hibernation competition.

Sentimental truth: Stocking their favorite snacks becomes an unexpected love language. There’s something sacred about handing your teen their favorite chips and watching their entire face light up. It’s small, but it’s a connection, your quiet way of saying, I see you. I know you. I love you.

4. Meet Them Where They Are

If they like someone, resist the urge to interrogate or judge. Ask gentle questions. Listen more than you speak.

Sentimental truth: These conversations shape the kind of adult they become. When you honor their feelings, even the ones you don’t agree with, you teach them they deserve respect, compassion, and healthy love. One day they’ll look back and realize you were the first person who taught them how to choose someone worthy.

A woman smiling while sitting on a picnic blanket in a park, with her legs crossed and wearing a striped dress. In the background, people are enjoying a gathering, and a child is playing nearby.

5. Teach Financial Basics

Checking accounts, savings, budgeting, bills. It’s not thrilling, but it’s crucial.

Sentimental truth: There is nothing like watching your teen proudly navigate money for the first time. That first paycheck hits, and suddenly they stand a little taller. You realize you’re not just raising a child, you’re guiding a human into independence. And it’s beautiful.

6. Encourage a Job

Not to burden them, but to empower them. Let them learn responsibility, time management, and the satisfaction of earning their own way.

Sentimental truth: When you see them in their work uniform, it hits you: they’re growing up. Really growing up. You get this emotional sucker punch of pride mixed with grief. You remember tying their shoes… Now they’re tying their aprons before clocking in.

Two high school graduates wearing blue caps and gowns, standing outdoors, one holding a diploma and a yellow flower.

7. Welcome Whoever They Bring Home

Even if it’s the devil himself in khakis. Smile. Be supportive. Save your private thoughts for later.

Sentimental truth: Your reaction, your openness or rejection will echo in your child’s heart forever. You might not realize it, but in those moments, you are teaching them they are safe coming to you with anything. And that safety is priceless. And, I can tell you out of experience, you welcome it all and have the conversations your child will choose accordingly.

A mother and her child pose together in front of the Statue of Liberty, capturing a memorable moment during their visit.

8. Show Up

For the big things, small things, ridiculous things, especially Taco Bell missions.

Sentimental truth: Showing up is how you build memories they’ll carry into adulthood. They might roll their eyes now, but one day they’ll say, “My mom always showed up,” and that is worth more than anything money can buy.

9. Show Up for Their Faith Too

If church is important to you, to them, attend the service that fits their schedule, even if that means going multiple times. Go with your 15 year old to 11am Mass, 18 year old to 4pm on Saturday, and 19 year old to 5pm on Sunday!

Sentimental truth: Sitting beside them during moments of faith, whatever that looks like, creates a bond deeper than words. You become their anchor, their quiet witness to becoming.

A cozy restaurant scene featuring a group of people gathered around a dining table, enjoying food and drinks. The ambiance is warm with large windows revealing a city skyline outside.

10. Lead With Love, Always

Start with “I love you.” Validate them. Hear them. Then address the issue. End with a hug so big it becomes its own language.

Sentimental truth:
Accountability wrapped in love becomes the foundation of trust that lasts into adulthood. You’re not just correcting behavior, you’re nurturing their heart, reminding them they are safe even when life is messy.

A family of four posing for a selfie in a bathroom mirror, with one child excitedly holding a phone and making a funny face while others strike playful poses.

And here’s the truth that breaks me…

It goes by too fast. WAY too fast.

My oldest turns 20 tomorrow. And while my heart bursts with pride, it also aches, not because she’s growing up, but because she’s growing into exactly who she was meant to be.

Love your children. Listen to them. See them. Show up. Validate them. Treasure every moment, good, bad, hilarious, chaotic. Because one day, the teenage years will be behind you and you’ll realize they’ve become one of your favorite chapters.