Twisted social experiment? Thriller on Netflix? A nightmare? Nope, this is our new reality. Stuck in the house with your husband, kids, & pets for the unforeseeable future! Sure our parents, grandparents & great grandparents had to endure far worse, with World Wars, Great Depression, Vietnam, etc. Meanwhile the only war we’re possibly waging is War of the Roses (and I’m not talking about the English Civil Wars, we’re talking the movie with Michael Douglas & Kathleen Turner, 1989). Ultimately we’re enduring this quarantine out of love for others, because it isn’t about us, it’s about not spreading the virus, it’s an act of kindness. But it doesn’t mean we have to like it! So here are some tips to help you survive being quarantined with your spouse & kids for the unforeseeable future……
1- Get a bigger house! So maybe it’s not the best time to move, if you can’t get a bigger house at least be thankful you never hooked your trailer hitch into that Tiny House Trend. Could you imagine? Your entire family stuck in a space no bigger than 500 square feet for the unforeseeable future?
2- Toilet paper, really?! People going crazy stocking up on TP & food when we all should have been in line at Apple buying out all the EARPODS! Fact, the human body can live for weeks without food ( Source) However it can not live through 10 minutes of hearing someone smack their lips while chewing, breathing heavily, and/or making humming noises when they clear their throat. Order an extra pair, or 8, EarPods NOW! Clearly your life depends on it!
3- The “triple rule” is officially in effect! Basically whatever the pre-quarantine advisement was you’re gonna wanna triple it. For example, “The new warning from the AHA recommends parents limit screen time for kids to a maximum of just two hours per day” (Source). Yeah, so, under quarantine you’re gonna wanna triple that! “Moderate alcohol use for healthy adults generally means up to one drink a day for women and up to two drinks a day for men”. (Source ) So naturally, everyone say it with me, “triple that”…good job, class. And today’s math lesson is done!
4-This one is super important! You MUST ban these movies from your house during quarantine….
“Home Alone”, “Home Alone 2“, “Home Alone 3“, & “Home Alone 4“. If for some reason you do walk in on a family member watching one of these movies hide the toilet paper, cause the water works will be following….”wipe your tears on your sleeve, son!”.
5- Remind children that even shadows need social distancing! Don’t be afraid to use the Social Distancing card when your youngest wants to follow you around like they’re your shadow…I’m pretty sure even shadows are susceptible to the virus.
6- You gotta get your “Me Time” by any means possible. If you’re not hiding out in your closet for at least 10 minutes a day with that chocolate bar you stashed in those running shoes you bought but never wore, you’re not a true survivor!
7-Honesty is the best policy in a relationship? Not anymore. Lie! So y’all are gonna be trying out new hobbies, crafts, & exploring your artistic side. If you, your spouse, or kiddos weren’t a Julia Child or Maratha Stewart before the quarantine chances are you’re not going to be one during the quarantine. Oooh & ahh about the masterpiece, admire the craft, & eat the damn cake anyway!
8-People are actually worried about having a quarantine baby? That’s cute, like we’re showering & doing laundry regularly, lol!
9- Whatever you do don’t lose this!!! You’re sense of humor!
All joking aside, is this a tough time, totally! But you’re stronger than you know. You can do this. You will get through this, & remember, you’re not alone, even though you’d like to be, lol! We’re in this together, loves!
Share with a friend that might need a little chuckle to get them through the day.