“We’ve got softball”, “I’m waiting to hear what my husband’s plans are”, and my favorite, “I don’t know if I’ll be free that day?”…say what?! Trying to plan any social gathering with a group of moms is exhausting. You’d have better luck remaining sand free while wearing an Elmer’s glue dress to the beach (before the glue dries). Don’t get me wrong, I fully understand and can appreciate the fact that us moms are the ones who run the household, routines, and schedules, and that includes kids’ sports, lessons, classes, and social lives. But if 2020 has taught me anything it’s that I’m calling BS. Why? Because we are only as busy as we allow ourselves to be, we are the ones who have ultimate control over our lives. We may not be able to control the circumstances, scenarios, or other people, but we do control our own priorities.
When a mom states, “I don’t know if I’ll be free that day”, she might as well state, “I don’t know if I’m going to make myself a priority that day”. If that date is currently free on the calendar then make yourself a priority, put down in INK, Moms Night Out. God gave children two parents for a reason, and each of those parents often come with a set of parents, and for some two sets, as well as siblings. Don’t have family in town? Then I’m sure you have a friend, neighbor, or sitter. New to town? Bring your kids with you and put them in the booth next door.
“I’m waiting to hear what my husband’s plans are ”, this is a valid statement. Especially if it’s related to work, but if it’s not you have to ask yourself, would he wait to hear what your plans are before he made arrangements with his friends? If the answer is no then it’s time to start living your life. I was that wife, I was the wife who would wait at home, who knew my husband had a tough week and he deserved a night out once he got back into town, he deserved poker with his friends, etc. And I would wait, just hoping that one day he’d see how hard I was working being home with the kids and running the household all week. And on occasion he’d invite me up to the bar for a drink with him, but that was it. And I’d have my drink then go home and do more of the stuff I did the past 5 days of the week and what I would continue to do the next day and next week. I wanted to see the latest exhibition at the Art Museum, see the sunset on the Sandpiper, throw axes again at Axe 419, etc. But instead I went home, again. And then 2021 happened!!
After 2020 and being everything to everyone in my family, the government telling me where I could go, when I could go, etc. I had a come to Jesus moment. Though I’d said it for years I think I only fully grasped the concept after 2020, “You only have one life to live”. There are no do-overs, there’s no rewind, or pause button. There’s no grand prize for always putting others’ needs before your own, for always waiting until things were accommodating for others while being extremely inconvenient for myself…you don’t get added years tacked on to the end of your life for being extremely accommodating to others needs. Don’t get me wrong, in life there are often a few, (you could probably count them on one hand) individuals who would lovingly reciprocate the sacrifices you make for them, but all will not, or for that matter will probably have no comprehension or recollection of the sacrifices you’ve made. So what’s the solution then? What are you supposed to do? Are you just supposed to make your own plans? YES!!!
Stop waiting on others to give you permission to make you a priority. If a friend asks you for drinks at the new Urban Winery a few weeks out and there is nothing on the calendar for that day don’t wait to see if one of the kids will have a birthday party, if your teens will need an “Uber Mom” for that night, or if your husband is going to go on a golf outing, YOU PUT YOU on the calendar!! YOU have just as much of a right to place your “drinks with friends” as a priority on the calendar as any other member of the family has to place their social gathering. Stop waiting to see if your outing will be worthy, or deciding where it ranks on other’s priority list.
Lastly, I can not reiterate this enough, DON’T WAIT for others!! Let’s say you want to go see a play and are waiting to hear back from 3 other moms, and while you’re waiting they sell out of tickets. Or, let’s say you’re looking forward to getting dressed up and going out for a fancy meal and movie for a date night, but you and your spouse have an argument earlier in the week so he cancels it yet again, (which, by the way is the opposite of what you should do, it’s kinda like when kids are the least deserving of love is when they need it most, when you and your spouse are both at your wits end and are arguing yet again is when you need a date night to just be yourselves and not talk about the household, kids, or finances) and you’re stuck at home for the 58th Saturday night in a row! Here’s the thing, as social beings we want to enjoy these events, happenings, etc. with others, but if the “others” you’re waiting on can never get their crap together or treat you like crap it’s time to stop waiting on them and to LIVE YOUR LIFE! For it is only when you stop waiting on others to give you permission to make yourself a priority that you begin to truly live your life.