“Must be nice!” This comment really gets under my skin. Just in general it screams, you’re privileged and I’m not, you just get everything handed to you and I have to suffer, in general, it’s just an extremely rude comment to make about anything but especially a comment to a stay-at-home mom, or stay at home working mom/parent. It alludes to the idea that what that mom/parent does at home doesn’t carry much value & that they’re basically flaking off all responsibility because they’re at home. Well, to be fair, it’s the tone and often snarky insinuation that accompanies the comment. As if the person stating the comment is the hardest worker in the entire world while the person at home is just binge-watching shows & eating bonbons. Here are some hard facts…
Is it nice being home? On some days. On other days it’s extremely lonely…it’s a lot of doing for others & receiving little in return. And little to no adult interaction all day.
Is it a lot of work? Damn straight. No matter the age of your children if you’re doing it right it’s a LOT of work…physically, mentally, & emotionally. And there’s a lot of driving, lol! As I’m sure ALL parents can relate. But a lot of stay-at-home parents help make the working parent’s life possible, we often help with early morning child care, carpooling for pick-ups and drop-offs, volunteer time at the school during the day, helping with fundraisers, classroom projects, etc. in addition to the cleaning, doing dishes, cooking, etc. at home.
It must be nice! When people say this they don’t often realize the sacrifices that come with having an adult home with children. For the most part, this means one income. This often means there’s little to no disposable income, no fancy dinners out as a couple, no fancy new clothes, no new clothes period (especially for the adult at home), no big family vacation, & sometimes this means the adult at home takes on a lot of animosity from the adult working outside the home.
“Must be nice!” Before we utter these words please take into consideration the sacrifices (no one knows someone else’s story, circumstances, fertility issues, mental health, physical health, etc…perhaps the parent at home didn’t want to be the at-home parent, but the parent working outside of the home makes more/has better insurance), heartache, headaches, exhaustion, possible abuse (verbally and/or financially) & most importantly the personal SACRIFICES that these stay at home parents make on a daily basis. Likewise, as stay-at-home parents and stay-at-home working parents, it is so important that we also remember that the parent/spouse working outside of the home, the one getting out of the house, often showered, socializing with other adults, and receiving attention and words of affirmation from other adults is also sacrificing for the family. They are missing out on their children’s “firsts”, “lasts”, the silly jokes they make, mid-day snuggles, etc. they don’t get to be in that first row witnessing everything in their children’s lives like you do and that has to be hard. But here’s the thing, if you’re doing it right, if you’re a great team, have a great partnership, and open lines of communication (this means good & bad… you can vocalize frustrations & work on ways to fix, repair, med & move forward together), and endless support for one another, then neither parent will feel like they’re missing out, neglected, or feel like less. If you’re doing it right I suppose the only people who should be hearing the phrase, “Must be nice!” are the children…it must be nice to have two parents who care so much for you that they each make sacrifices and do what is best for their family.
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 