As the saying goes, no one wins in divorce, but at least you get every other weekend off, or do you? In my case, I do not and I’m sure I am not alone. Being the sole parent is sadly a role many parents have taken on. Raising three teenagers solely on my own can be draining at times but it is also humbling, hilarious, rewarding, challenging, and dare I say, awesome! Yes, I just said awesome…bear with me…
Humbling…
As a single mom/sole parent I would be amiss if I said I did this entirely on my own. Yes, it is just me as the sole adult residing in the household with my three teenagers and I am the sole parent providing guidance, the disciplinarian, homework helper, assistant with college prep, emotional support shoulder, etc. But as the sole driver in a household with three teenagers there is literally no way I could be in four different places at once. I rely heavily on my village, my community, and my neighbors. If it wasn’t for the amazing neighbors, family, and friends that have become like family (you know who you are), everyone would not be where they need to be. You must be humble as a sole parent, you ultimately cannot do every single thing on your own and when God puts someone in your life that you can rely on, who is consistent and dependable you praise him for that gift.
I am busier than ever but also blessed more than ever. After a long week at work, this is how I am spending my Friday night, I have grad school work I need to read, write submit, and quiz to take. Additionally, apparently, someone decided to put beach towels in with their guinea pig and then wash them in my washing machine, I will be cleaning out a washing machine drum and running it through with a cleaning pod. And for some reason our house is the house for sleepovers, this is where teenagers like to congregate, which I am more than happy and honored by, there is quite literally never a dull movement in this household.
Hilarious…
Where do I even begin? If you are raising a teenager you know what I’m talking about. At times it’s as if someone has stolen that part of their brain that says, “Maybe this is a bad idea?”. We’ve seen it all, dying hair in different colors, trying various makeup tutorials and colors, accidentally putting a male guinea pig in with three female guinea pigs and now we have 14 guinea pigs (okay, perhaps this isn’t hilarious, more of a mix of humorous and irresponsible). Girls hiding their favorite snacks away from their brother in maxi pad boxes (genius really, why didn’t I think of this when I was a teenager?)
Rewarding…
That moment you finally see your child in their element after a tough divorce and just trying to catch their footing in life. Divorce hits every family member differently and while my girls seem to have adjusted to the new normal my son took a bit longer and rightfully so, it’s a lot when the only male presence leaves the home. It has been rewarding watching each of my children persevere, grow, and lean into God’s plan…that’s not to say there will not be more trials ahead, but it has been rewarding watching each come through their own challenges.
Challenging…
Living with teenagers is a challenge in itself. Here’s a great example, not only did I have to finally lose my sh*t to finally get my child to do the dishes once they did they “accidentally” broke 2 dishes in the sink and tried to cover it up by running the garbage disposal. What ensured was an afternoon of me turning off the electricity to remove the garbage disposal, clean it out, reinstall, and do everything not to lose my cool. I think that’s the hardest part of raising teenagers on your own, you don’t have your partner, spouse, or other adult to help balance the crazy teen moment with adult rationalization, comfort, or shared laugh.
Awesome….
I don’t have someone coming home and having this unrealistic expectation of how the house should look. Unrealistic expectations of me or my kids. I have full autonomy and authority to make my own decisions and the decisions for my children, no arguing, no bickering back and forth, no silent treatment, and no having to pretend everything is perfect in front of other people to save their face, no feeling anxious and worried about what they may say or do if we’re stuck in traffic or weather delayed and not home by a certain time, no walking on eggshells,
Take tonight for example, after working all week, a long day at work having to stop off at the grocery store, make dinner, read, write, and take a quiz for grad school the last thing I want to do are the dishes. This momma is tired. I’ll be totally honest, in the past, when I was married I would have kiddled myself to do the dishes, clean the kitchen and living room concerned about his reaction when he would eventually arrive home from Friday night poker around 2am. Now I have peace of mind, solitude, and kids and I can get to the dishes this weekend, it’s not the end of the world if they are not done and everything doesn’t look perfect. In fact, the solitude, comfort, calm, and security I feel now being able to make my own decisions for myself and my children and live in a peace-filled, kind, loving, understanding household is priceless. Cheers to always choosing wisely…if it comes down to your kids or those dishes, choose the kids, and if your spouse doesn’t understand that should be a red flag, a flag you both address together!
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 