He Paid. I’m Parenting. The System Is Holding My Money.

I just want to TAG OUT.

Seriously. I want to be able to turn to someone and say, “What do you think we should do?” I want to console another person. I want someone to console me. I want my person.

And THIS…this is one of the hardest parts about being a sole parent.

I’m not talking about being the parent who has the kids “most of the time.” I mean being the parent responsible for the day-to-day EVERYTHING. School. Appointments. Emotional needs. Mental health. Clothes. Groceries. Dentists. Homework. Transportation. Problems. Decisions.

The 24/7 parent.

The one house the kids reside in ALL. THE. TIME.

And lately? I am tired.

Let me be very transparent. My 19-year-old is currently in the process of being emancipated from child support. His child support is $350 a month.

And before anyone thinks, “Here we go. She’s just bitching about money…”

No.

I’m transparent. I’m real. I’ll swear with you, and I’ll pray with you. I call it like I see it.

And right now?

This is bullshit.

I was awarded spousal support for seven years after being married almost 20 years. And there’s another piece of this story that matters to me: I’m Catholic.

I was raised to believe marriage was a commitment for life. I genuinely believed I would never get divorced.

I didn’t file for divorce.

After almost 19 years of marriage, I received divorce papers.

That was not the life I planned. It was not the ending I expected. And it certainly wasn’t the future I had prepared for.

I stayed home with our children so my husband could advance his career and travel. I put my own degrees, career and aspirations on the back burner because my kids were worth it.

And I have ZERO regrets.

None.

I would make the same decision again.

Have your babies. Be there when they’re little. Build the career later. Learn. Grow. Chase your dreams when you have the opportunity. There is still time.

When your life changes in a way you never expected, you have to figure out how to rebuild.

That’s what I’m doing.

I’m working. I’m going back to school. I’m building a career. I’m figuring out who I am outside of being a wife and mother.

I don’t want someone else to financially take care of me. I want my freedom. I want to learn. I want to achieve. I want to build something that is mine.

I want my children to see that starting over doesn’t mean your story is over.

BUT HERE’S WHAT REALLY HAS ME PISSED.

My son’s emancipation from child support is one issue.

My spousal support is another.

Those two things should not be tangled together.

Since my son’s emancipation process began in June, Lucas County Child Support has had my spousal support IN RESTRAINTS.

And my question is simple:

WHY?

My ex is paying his obligations. On time. The child support is being paid. The spousal support is being paid. He is doing his part.

I am doing mine.

BUT THE MONEY ISN’T BEING RELEASED TO ME.

And this is where I have a serious problem.

If the county is going to withhold money my ex has paid that is due to me, then THEY should have to explain why my payment is late.

Because my mortgage company doesn’t care that the county is “looking into it.”

The electric company doesn’t care.

The water company doesn’t care.

The insurance company doesn’t care.

The grocery store definitely doesn’t care.

The bills still have due dates.

So why am I the one who gets stuck holding the bag?

If my ex paid on time, but the system is holding the money, WHY AM I THE ONE WHO HAS TO ABSORB THE CONSEQUENCES?

That’s what I don’t understand.

And to be VERY clear: I have NEVER had an issue with my oldest being emancipated. This is not about him. This is not about wanting child support to continue forever.

This is about the fact that HIS emancipation should not put MY SPOUSAL SUPPORT in restraints.

Child Support has my spousal support in restraints.

And respectfully?

THAT IS NOT THEIR PLACE.

My son’s child support is one matter. My spousal support is another.

If there is an issue with the child-support portion because my son is being emancipated, address THAT issue.

But release what is owed under the separate spousal-support order.

It really should not be this complicated.

And I already know someone is going to say, “There’s that fucking bitch wanting her money.”

No.

If I wanted someone to financially take care of me, I could have made very different choices.

I didn’t.

I want my freedom. I want to learn. I want to achieve. I want to build something.

I want to be able to look at my kids someday and say, “I took care of you AND I found my way back to myself.”

Because when you’re the sole parent, that money isn’t some luxury fund.

It’s groceries. It’s clothes. It’s school expenses. It’s appointments. It’s dental care. It’s gas. It’s insurance. It’s utilities.

It’s LIFE.

And yes, I get pissed when the system fails.

Because I’m the one standing there trying to make everything work.

My ex is paying.

I’m parenting.

THE SYSTEM IS HOLDING THE MONEY.

It is now September 11. My ex paid on August 31.

I STILL DON’T HAVE IT.

And that’s my gripe.

Not my son.

Not his emancipation.

Not the fact that I receive spousal support.

The fact that money is being paid ON TIME and is apparently being held by the very system that is supposed to facilitate the payment.

So, Lucas County Child Support…

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

And if you’ve been through this, I want to hear from you.

Men. Women. Divorced parents. Sole parents.

Have you ever had child support or spousal support withheld, delayed or caught up in a bureaucratic mess? Did you eventually get your money? Did you have to fight for it?

Tell me.

Because maybe I’m not the only one who has looked at a broken system and thought:

“I already do EVERYTHING.

Can I PLEASE just get the part you’re supposed to do?”