funny mom – Mom on the go in Holy Toledo

Winter Weather Survival Guide for Parents because Kids are Virtually Smoking

January 21, 2021January 21, 2021momonthegoinholytoledo

OMG! Anyone else feel like they’re playing some twisted version of The Game of LIFE this year? Like if someone reconfigured the entire game while on some crazy mind altering drug? You landed on the square, “Global Pandemic”, lockdown for 3 months. Collect stimulus checks each time you go around the board. Landed on, “Quarantine” (you were possibly in contact with an affected individual) can’t move for 2 weeks. You are now working from home and children are schooling from home, pay the bank $200 so everyone in the family has a desk. The hardest part for us parents is, while we’re playing this warped, twisted version of The Game LIFE, childhood can’t stop, we can’t say, “hey, kids, we’re just gonna put childhood onhold and we’ll pick it up after all this craziness is over”. Us parents still need to provide the best childhood we can for our children, even during a pandemic, quarantine, remote learning, etc. And that means us parents have had to step up in ways we’ve never imagined we’d have to….we’ve become teachers, home IT assistants, gym partners, lab partners, etc. and we’ve ultimately become solely responsible for their mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing.

Okay, so where was I going with this? Isn’t the title of this post Winter Survival Guide for Parents? I’m getting there….so where was I, yes, we’re playing this twisted version of The Game Life and we’ve just entered the most challenging part of the board, Winter in the Midwest!!! For this section of the game, you need to make certain your children’s health is meeting the CDC minimum recommendations…Children and adolescents ages 6 through 17 years should do 60 minutes (1 hour) or more of moderate-to-vigorous intensity physical activity each day, including daily aerobic – and activities that strengthen bones (like running or jumping) – 3 days each week, and that build muscles (like climbing or doing push-ups) – 3 days each week. (CDC). Doesn’t sound too bad? Well, if you pair it with the fact that your children aren’t done with schooling until 4pm and the sun sets around 5pm, oh, and did I mention you’re tired from making all the other plates spin throughout the day? Yup, suddenly those 60 minutes a day really do become a struggle…(and I didn’t even add “Mom Guilt” to the mix…cause us mommas know that sitting is the new smoking, and by those standards our kids are virtually smoking packs a day as they sit in front of their chromebooks and laptops). So what’s a parent to do? We suck it up and get those smokers, I mean sitters, outside for some much needed fresh air and exercise!!

Here’s the Winter Weather Survival Guide for Parents:

This is not the time to bring sexy back…layer up those pants and shirts, sweatshirts, the bigger bulkier you look the warmer you are going to stay. And that extra padding is appreciated when you go sledding with the kids, or accidentally forget to remove your leg from the sled string and get dragged down the hill…yup, that’s definitely not what JT was singing about!
Playlist, you’re gonna need a playlist to get your bulky badass up that sled hill, and up it again, and again, or through those trails, or whatever else the kids wanna do…you’re gonna need your jams, trust me!
Earbuds. These are legit the best things ever invented! They serve so many purposes…you can look like you are listening to something while eavesdropping on other people’s conversations, they basically give you permission to ignore everyone (children optional), oh, and you can listen to audio books, music, videos, etc. privately. Not interested in having that political conversation with that other parent on top of a sledding hill? Just pop in the earsbuds. Did your child just do something WAY embarrassing? Just pop in those earbuds and look the other way. I’m telling you, they’re awesome.

4. Travel mug. If you’re gonna be out in the elements you might as well try to make it as enjoyable as you can…bring along that coffee, tea, hot cocoa, etc.

Though the sun seems to set way too soon, some days it forgets to even rise, and the wind-chill can legit sting, you can totally win The Game of LIFE’S Winter in the Midwest section of the board if you follow the survival guide, lol!

True Love is…a smoldering dishwasher, puking child, & exhaustion!?!

February 14, 2017momonthegoinholytoledo

Based upon the title you might be thinking what kind of twisted freak is this woman? Lol! And trust me; I would have thought the same thing just days ago, Sunday to be exact. On Sunday life was perfect but of course I didn’t realize that because I was frantically getting ready for the week, meal planning, doing laundry, helping kiddos with their Valentine’s, etc. I am a sucker for all holidays and Valentine’s Day is the Olympics of holidays for me. I find so much joy in smothering all my sweethearts with love, heart shaped everything, gifts, surprises, and of course a fabulous meal. I had everything planned out perfectly, this year I was going to surprise the kids after school with balloons in the car, take them to a movie, and come home to a dinner table adorn with heart shaped waffles, eggs, strawberries, X & O shaped bacon (yep, I am that mom…coming to terms with it is the first step), chocolates, etc.

It was going to blow them away; it would be my best surprise yet (even better than taking them to Boyd’s for the Retro candies for school), we are talking Pinterest Perfection! But life had other plans, turns out the surprise was on me!

Sunday: Nothing like traumatizing the kids during bedtime!

Sunday night the kiddos headed up to bed after dinner and I prepped leftovers in the kitchen for lunch the next day. I was standing by the sink and suddenly, out of know where, the dishwasher made a spark followed by a sizzle, and then started smoking. The darn thing wasn’t even running!?! I called in my husband for reinforcements and rushed downstairs to turn off the breaker. (Something about water and electricity just didn’t sit well with me). Apparently like most things in our household the circuit breaker is a bit wonky when it comes to the labels. What seemed like a minute to me must have felt like an eternity to my husband because he frantically yelled down, “just turn it off!”. So naturally, I panicked. I just started flipping switches two at a time, including the one to the upstairs and basement. The high pitched screams that pierced my eardrum were clear indications that I flipped the wrong switch and now not only were the children freaking out in the dark upstairs, but, I too was in the dark downstairs. Meanwhile the dishwasher continued melting & smoking while my husband stood by helplessly. I eventually managed to manipulate the switches in the dark, turned off the electricity to the kitchen, and turned back on the electrically to the basement and upstairs. As I made my way back up to the kitchen I could hear the dog’s paws rushing down the stairs from above, he had left his post upstairs with the kids to check things out. After knocking a few things over with his cone of shame that he obtained thanks to double ear infections he came barreling around the corner to a dark kitchen with one path of light streaming from a flashlight on the floor that illuminated the cloud of smoke coming from the dishwasher. Once he saw that smoke he started barking ferociously which resulted in the kids practically sliding down the stairs in fright. And there the entire family stood at 9:30pm assembled in the dark kitchen in shock and amazement. It felt like a dramatic scene from a play. The flashlight gave the dishwasher the perfect spotlight and the smoke added a nice dramatic effect. The smell of plastic burning began to fill the room. Thankfully my husband was able to pull the dishwasher out from under the counter and unplug it, but when doing so the dog saw this great beast of a smoking appliance as a threat and tried to attack, retreating in fear each time but none the less barking his cone of shame head off. Crisis mostly averted.

Monday: She’s upstairs puking!

Monday night after dinner I cleared the table and carefully stacked the dirty dishes on top of the other dirty dishes…I am getting quit good at balancing them; it’s almost an art, lol! And then I sat down with my 5^th grader and we put the finishing touches on their Valentines for school the next day. All three kiddos were super excited for their Valentine’s Day party the next day, since they kind of got robbed of their party at Christmas time due to a snow day their anticipation was super amplified. They checked the forecast for the next day and let out a huge sigh of relief when they saw that fog, snow, and ice were nowhere on the radar. Each sat out their clothes…pinks, reds, and even a tutu with gold glitter hearts was the preferred apparel for our little fashionista.

Everything was going so smoothly and then it happened. My husband came downstairs to let me know, “She’s puking upstairs”. My heart sank. I knew what that meant; someone wasn’t wearing her gold glitter heart tutu tomorrow, wasn’t passing out Valentines, and wasn’t going to be attending her Valentine’s Day party.

Tuesday: Calgon take me away!

So here I sit, Tuesday morning and I am absolutely exhausted after getting up 8+ times with my poor baby girl. My kitchen counters are filled with mountains of dirty dishes, laundry needs to be done, rooms need to be cleaned (and sanitized), that darn dog just managed to annihilate his cone of shame, and my Valentine’s Day plans that I was so looking forward to are a bust. And yet I am over the moon, and no, that’s not just the ridiculous combination of exhaustion and caffeine talking.

This year I finally get it! I finally realize the true treasures of Valentine’s Day, granted I had to go on one twisted, crazy, exhausting scavenger hunt to find them but find them I did! And it turns out they have been here all along but I have been so distracted by my own expectations that I couldn’t see them. The dishwasher dying it’s slow smoky death revealed a part of my husband I had taken for granted, he is not only our family’s provider but our protector, he is willing to risk his life for our family…there is no amount of roses that can equal that! I learned that in my regimented ways I have missed out on precious moments…sitting with my 5^th grader and putting together Valentines while talking about life brought me more joy than a million boxes of chocolate. But the biggest take away from this crazy week (thus far-God may have more lessons in store!), and it was something that dawned on me when I rushed to my daughter’s side for the 5^th time at 4:30am, I learned that I am enough! My children don’t need fancy balloons, food shaped like hearts; the best gift I can give them is my unconditional love, day, or night, no matter the circumstances, no amount of store bought anything or fancy food can replace a mother’s love. Thus I am over the moon, bursting with blessings & love sans the typical Valentine’s Day garb.

I know it sounds so cliché but this Valentine’s Day the gifts I am most thankful for is my husband, children, my family’s health, and all the amazing people in my life…dishes be damned! 😉

Happy Valentine’s Day, loves! Cheers to finding the REAL treasures in your life!

Vlog!! Video Bloggin it today, baby!!

December 3, 2015December 3, 2015momonthegoinholytoledo

Video blogging it today! Because, why read when you can watch? (I might need to work on that tagline but you get the gist). I will add links to items in the comments. Also, please feel free to add to the list, what is one thing you would suggest ALL moms get for Christmas?

Disney Side: The Adventures of the SAHM Princess: Part II

March 23, 2015momonthegoinholytoledo

(In case you missed it here is Part I) It was the night before the big Party!! The Sofia the first Valentines bash!! And the SAHM Princess was busy at work, cleaning up the house, rearranging furniture, preparing food, etc. Just then her dashing Prince arrived home from working out of town. The Princess was torn, does she continue preparing for the bash the next day or does she sit down with her Prince? It should be noted that little ones also needed to get to bed and Valentine’s Day treats needed to be baked, so you see the SAHM Princess had quite the dilemma. At that moment she wished she had little mice friends to help complete the chores, bake treats, and get the kiddos ready for bed, and a Fairy Godmother to make her look like a well-rested beautiful SAHM Princess as opposed to her current state which included yoga pants, disheveled hair, and tired face! She contemplated singing a lovely song to really capture the moment but she was just too darn tired. Instead she put kiddos to bed, baked treats, burnt treats, chatted with her Prince, and managed to get all the preparations completed before the guest arrived….come to think of it, there might have been a little Pixie Dust involved! Oh, and those burnt treats, no worries, the SAHM Princess realized it didn’t matter if the treats were homemade, the guest weren’t coming because of the treats they were coming to have fun! So she served store bought cupcakes and no one was the wiser. Look at all the fun had….

And she enjoyed a lovely afternoon with other SAHM Princesses and their little Princesses and Prince…she realized the true value of friendship has nothing to do with the size of your castle, what kind of carriage you arrive in, what kind of Ball gown you wear, or if your food is homemade or store bought. The true value of friendship is being there for the good and the bad, for having compassion for all living creatures (yes, even our little mice friends), and a heart filled with joy. The SAHM Princess was truly thankful for all her friends, family, dashing Prince, and the opportunity to host such a magical event!!

The SAHM Princess wishes to send out a huge thank you to all the amazing sponsors who helped make this bash absolutely memorable!!

Thanks to all the guest
HP CMYK Promotion (Create Memories You Keep)
All
Snuggle
Wisk
MomSelect

Special thank you to Disney, Maria Bailey, BSM Media and everyone who helped make this possible!!! I don’t know how you did it!! There was obviously a lot of time, effort, energy, & perhaps some magic (in the form of Pixie Dust?!) that went into making this such a huge success! Thank you a million times over!!

Disclosure: I received free products in order to host a Disney Side @Home Celebration. The opinions expressed here are my own.

Disney side, The Adventures of the SAHM Princess: Part I

March 11, 2015March 23, 2015momonthegoinholytoledo

Oh how a long for the day that Disney releases a movie about a SAHM princess. It could happen! And if it did, it would go a little something like this….

Once upon a time there was this beautiful, kind, funny, gracious, and extremely modest SAHM Princess. She had 3 lovely children who always listened to her (even I couldn’t keep a straight face when I typed that). She was an amazing mom blogger, had fierce fashion sense, and was a maven in the kitchen…cooking up gourmet meals & bake sale treats that had all the other moms drooling (hey, it’s my fairy tale!). Well, one day this princess received an email stating she had been selected to host a Disney side party!! The first thing she did was break into a beautiful song about how grateful & excited she was, she did not jump up & down on the couch Tom Cruise style because that is something princesses don’t do (she totally did that!) and she did not attempt to do the Macarena while jumping on said couch (yep, did that too!). The Princess then carried on with her chores, Cinderella style for days & nights waiting patiently for the Disney side package to arrive. Days became weeks and she started to grow weary and even momentarily feared that the package may have been taken by 7 dwarfs, the townspeople, or worse, the evil sea witch!! (Okay, so maybe not the sea witch, I live nowhere near the sea…I admit, that’s a stretch). And then finally, just when she had almost rid herself of all hope, the package arrived!! And she danced around the room with it for 10 minutes (not really, that sucker was heavy!!!) and sang another song about how waiting makes the absence grow fonder, or something like that…who care? OPEN the BOX!!! And so she gathered the children…Wendy, Peter, & Pan and they opened the box!

Stay tune for Part II and see what happens to SAHM Princess when the Prince arrives home during party preparations (spoiler alert…there could be words in the form of a beautiful song or yelling) and see how a classy Princess handles burnt baked goods without adorable little mice friends & a Fairy Godmother to help.

Move backward 3

August 24, 2014momonthegoinholytoledo

It was one of those lazy afternoons mothers long for, no one needed to be anywhere, there was no immediate task that required mom’s attention, and dinner was still a couple hours away. So we decided it might be fun to play a game…I was secretly hoping it might become an impromptu game night! I love a good game night! Anyway, we decided on the game, Sorry.

So we set up the game on the living room floor. Everyone determined which color they wanted to be, which surprisingly takes much longer than one would anticipate, sometimes longer than it takes to play the actual game(first everyone wants to be the same color, then no one wants to be that color, and then our little peacemaker suggests that everyone has one of each color, can you imagine? Haha!). And after two potty breaks and the dog walking through, on, and kicking the pawns a few times (I am pretty sure he was Sorry for his actions…like that? Haha!), we were finally all ready to play. Now, it should be noted that sometimes half the fun in playing a game is just in setting it up, seriously, just asks our 4 year old. She is quite fond of the setting up the game process…and it isn’t unusual for her to just walk away mid-game to set up another game. But this time was different, this time she stayed and played…and even brought along a few spectators.

So we got the game started! The first few cards were pretty simple and since our 4 year old is a champ at counting she thought it was awesome. The cards read, Move forward 12, Move forward 4, and then Move backward 3. “Mom, you can just go forward or pick a different card, we don’t play with those”, explained our 7 year old. What!? “Well, in order to win you need to move forward” he says. I explained that he is correct, in order to win you do need to move forward but the whole point of the game is about being able to handle obstacles that you weren’t expecting, kind of like in life. “No, mom this isn’t Life, it is Sorry” he kindly corrected me. Haha! Clearly my attempt at an analogy was lost. So I just explained that we will be following all the cards for this game, backward, forward, ALL. So we go around the board and everyone received “nice” cards, no go backward cards. Then it is my turn again and I pull a card that states “Take a pawn from Start and switch places with an opponent…bump the opponent back to start” Hmm…which child’s dream of winning this game should I destroy? Seriously, who wrote these cards!? And I had to go and make a big speech about following ALL the cards. What a predicament!! Do I go back on my word? I can understand the lessons learned through going backward, it teaches kids about persevering and not giving up even when they lag behind or fall short but nowhere in life will someone switch places with you. So, do I shatter a child’s dream of winning or go back on my word? Now I know why this stupid game is called Sorry!

What would you do?

Power of the Pen!

May 19, 2014momonthegoinholytoledo

Some people would say that the cost of silence is free. Those people are not mothers. There is always a cost. Like when your toddler is having a full on tantrum during the 2^nd hour of a 14 hour trip so you give him the remaining ½ of a chocolate bar knowing full well that it will leave the worst mess on him, the car seat, the car, etc. but your sanity and that of your husbands is well worth the mess. Or maybe you plopped junior in front of the TV because you needed to do the laundry and now, thanks to a crazy yellow sponge he frequently calls things stupid. Thus that load of laundry has now cost you a weeks’ worth of aggravation (and perhaps a side of mommy guilt because YOU plopped him in front of the TV to be babysat for 10 minutes) trying to correct what he learned. Or perhaps you just wanted to sleep for ten more minutes on Saturday morning so you let the kids make their own breakfast and the cost for those ten minutes, 2 hours of cleaning, wiping down walls, windows, etc. But let’s be honest, most of the time it is worth it! However there are those occasional exceptions when the mommy currency has dire consequences. This was one of those times.

We had had a long day and my 3-1/2 year old was, well, acting like a 3-1/2 year old. Very independent, wanting to do everything for herself, and we were having a 2 steps forward and 3 steps back kind of a day. I was counting down the minutes till quiet time. We needed a break from each other. And sometimes she actually sleeps but often she just plays quietly in her room for ½ hour or so which is fine by me. As long as we each get a few minutes to ourselves before the big kids come home so we can greet them refreshed and with a ‘back to happy’ kind of an attitude. Finally, quiet time arrived. I placed her in her bed and turned on the quiet time music; pulled the shades, and quietly left her room…I might have been doing the happy dance on the way out. I then went about my mommy business.

I did some laundry, unloaded and loaded the dishwasher, and swept up the breakfast and lunch crumbs. The entire time listening with one ear for her to holler down to me asking if she could get up but it never came. So I had assumed that she had actually fallen asleep. This was my first mistake, NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING! I totally should have run upstairs and peeked in on her. But I didn’t, nope, instead I basked in the glory and grabbed my book and started reading. Now, have you ever gotten into a great book that you just can’t put down? That was the kind of book I was reading and before I knew it a ½ hour had passed. It was time to pick up the big kids from school. So I ran upstairs to wake up our sleeping beauty.

As I approached the room I heard commotion, like she was rushing to hide under the covers. And then I opened the door and my mouth dropped! It was everywhere, the walls, sheets, pillows, fitted sheets, on her, and on her sister’s priced possession, the American Girl Doll. How was I ever going to live this one down? It was everywhere but where it should be, on paper!!! There was pen everywhere and what was worse, I didn’t have a moment to spare, I had to go pick up her big sister who was going to be furious at her and worst of all, ME! See, this is when that mommy currency has huge consequences and totally backfires.

So we picked up the older kiddos and they went up to their bedrooms to change into their play clothes. Oh, the high pitched little girl screams that were coming from that room, it was agonizing, dogs were barking in the next town over. And as her eyes met each of her little sister’s inked art (not to be confused with tattoos…there were no tattoos) she yelled her sisters name. And then she saw it, the American Girl Doll and it happened, she yelled, “MOM!!!” Sure, when it was just the walls, sheets, and pillows it was her sister’s fault but the doll, somehow that was my fault. I felt horrible. I instantly tried to fix my mistake; I sent out an SOS on Facebook and received many great suggestions on how to remove the ink but unfortunately nothing worked. So we will be sending her to the American Girl Hospital…which made me a bit nervous at first because the doll doesn’t have health insurance but I am pretty sure she is covered under the affordable care act.

Moral of the story, sometimes the price we pay for our mommy time is too high and not worth it and…(in a whisper) never leave a 3 -1/2 year old alone in a room with pens. Chances are you will have to frisk those little ones, they are so sneaky…I am thinking about installing a pen detector at the entrance of their bedroom. Haha!

UPDATE: (I always love updates on shows)

As of right now, as it stands, only mommy and daddy have pen privileges. Though I have to be honest, not a day has gone by when I pick up a pen and don’t recall this horrific incidence. Perhaps my pen privileges should be revoked, at least then I could sleep better at night. Haha!

Do tell, how have you spent your mommy currency? And was it worth it? Have you ever had a child display their artwork on the wall, furniture, etc.?