When the Technician can’t find the Heartbeat

I don’t really know what to write on this topic. I’m exhausted with the whole process. When we were  just starting to deal with infertility (5.5 years ago)  and then finally had our first baby I was able to write an article in a few minutes but now I am lost for words. Maybe it’s because at any given day, at any given moment my thoughts, feelings and hopes on the subject change. We are in the midst of infertility and the loss of our dear miracle/ “rainbow baby”, a child we will never hold and a child we were so desperately happy to finally conceive. Our fertility doctor was surprised and delighted we had conceived back in January. He was going to use our video (of surgery) and story to give hope to others with stage IV endometriosis that they too may have hope. So we finally had our miracle baby, we could breathe for a minute and even put our adoption process on hold (due to the agency’s policies). 

Read more