“Thank you so much for pointing out my flaws, I so appreciate it “said no one, EVER!
Have you ever come across that person who gives you a backhanded compliment or openly criticizes your clothes, actions, food, parenting style etc.? Or perhaps they sent you an email, an instant message, or you caught wind of it via another close companion? Either way, the act of criticizing others solves nothing. In fact it often has quite an opposite effect. It brings about defensiveness, resentment, and sometimes more criticism or it simply pushes people away. When someone chooses to be critical of another it actually speaks volumes about that individual.
Those who criticize others are often hurting themselves. And instead of looking within themselves and trying to determine where the jealousy, resentment, or need to be right stems from they continue to criticize others and the hurt within them just escalates and compounds.
This week’s homework: Break the habit…….this week if you find yourself experiencing critical thoughts about another person….
First, do not act on them. Keep your thoughts to yourself. Remember that age-old saying from childhood, “If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all”.
Second, take a moment to analyze the root of the thought. For example:
Let’s say at the PTA meeting a mom has a brilliant idea that she shares with the crowd and the crowd reacts positively. Instantly you find yourself trying to find any and all flaws with the idea, her wardrobe, her kids, etc. while the anger within you builds. Consider why you are experiencing such anger towards another person’s idea. Is it jealousy within you? Do you wish you had come up with the idea? Perhaps you wish you had her courage to stand up and vocalize your ideas?
And lastly, turn that criticism into admiration. This step is often the most difficult because it is admitting that we are not perfect, in fact someone else has a quality that is better. Admire that quality within that person, perhaps you can learn from them.
Bonus points: Go up to that person and share the quality that you admire in them. This can take a lot of confidence and courage but I know you can do it….I have faith that one day you will be the best you that you can be.
There will always be someone smarter, more attractive, better at math, better at sports, etc. that doesn’t mean that you do not have your own unique strong qualities. It simply means that you are a confident individual who can admire those who are better than you at certain things. The sooner you can come to terms with your own shortcomings and realizes those are others strong suits the happier and more peaceful you will be.