While floating in the pool this morning, gazing up at the sky, and listening to my children giggle and splash about a sudden sadness came over me. This was our last official day of summer break and boy was I going to miss this!
I spent the next 2 hours simply watching my children. I admired how well they played together. How they made each other laugh. How they simply enjoyed each other’s company. I was going to miss this once school started. They will each be off to their own classrooms…and who knows what next summer holds. What if next summer is the summer our eldest wants to spend more time with her friends and less with her sister and brother? What if this was our perfect summer? Right then and there I decided I wouldn’t allow this summer to end (I am pretty sure the clinical term is denial). I would try my best to extend the essence of summer break. And so I did.
As we gathered in the car this evening to go to the children’s Open House I rocked my denial with an orange shirt, black pants, and flip-flops. As I signed up to participate in the classroom parties, denial! As I signed up for parent teacher conferences, denial! As I walked the halls and said hello to neighbors and friends it felt more like a dream than reality. As we entered our son’s kindergarten classroom which just so happened to have also been our eldest daughters kindergarten room I really slathered on the denial…no way my little man was going to start kindergarten!
There I stood in the middle of our son’s kindergarten room and a slide show of images of my little man began playing…his birth…walking…him in his highchair…trips to the apple orchard…trips and falls…mommy kissing boo boos…MEEP MEEEP MEEEP MEEEP. My show was interrupted by the most absurd sound on this planet, the fire alarm! Followed by the teacher expressing, “This is not a Drill!”
As we made our way out of the classroom and joined other families in the hall the MEEPING intensified. It was as if God was setting off a huge and extremely loud life alarm in hopes of getting me to wake up. To stop dwelling on the past, stop living in denial, to embrace the present no matter how hard. After all, life is not a drill!
Are you living your life as if it is a drill? Do you think denial is a simple means for coping when life becomes too intense? Or maybe you are like me and simply have issue with the culmination of events, outings, shoot, even books (I wait days to finish reading the last page of a book because I don’t want it to end)? Ever wish motherhood came with a warning…warning: emotions will run deep?