First Day of Kindergarten!

Last night our home was bursting with energy. Every soul in the house knew that the next day was going to be unlike any other day we had experienced. The kiddos were acting so rambunctious to the point of being agitating! Or maybe it was me.  Maybe it was because my mind was preoccupied with a whirlwind of thoughts and my heart was beginning to ache. Why? Because my little boy was starting kindergarten and I was going to miss him during the weekdays.  I was going to miss his company, sense of humor and utterly contagious laughter. I was going to miss the way he looks out for me (there really is something extra special about that mother/son relationship…don’t get me wrong I love my girls but they don’t lookout for momma the way a son does). And he is such a great big brother and helper with his little sister. It will just be me and her now…forever…until she starts kindergarten and then… (I need a moment.).  It hasn’t been me and one child at home during the weekdays in 6-1/2 years! If I was feeling all these emotions surely he must be feeling something.

So I diverted my attention from me and asked him if he had any reservations. But kindergarten didn’t seem to faze him at all.  In fact, he was actually excited. As the kiddos packed their lunches for school the next day he was beaming with pride to finally be joining his big sister in such a prestigious task, ha-ha! I have to be totally honest; there was a part of me that hoped he was going to miss me, just a little bit.

The Big Day……         

He was up early and ready to go a ½ hour before schedule.  I have never seen a child so eager to go to school, ha-ha!  Thankfully we had plenty of time for pictures…..

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I drove the kiddos to school and we all walked him into his classroom. He sat down as if he had been in the classroom for weeks, like it was old news. All the parents had their phones, cameras, and video cameras out trying to capture every last morsel before bidding their babies goodbye. And then it was time to go. As I walked down the hall, out the building, and down the sidewalk towards our car I held onto my little Gracie girl’s hand so tight, as if to say, I will never let you go.

As I buckled her into her car seat her big blue eyes looked up at me and asked if her brother was coming with us. It took everything in me not to cry. All this time I was so focused on me. I was completely clueless to the fact that there was another little person who was dealing with a lot today, his little sister.

So we did what most gals do when their hearts are aching over some boy. We had coffee and chatted about our feelings…maybe this one-on-one time together wasn’t going to be so bad after all? Just to clarify, she had a cake pop and I had the Latté and it was the perfect way to mend our aching hearts.

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Any other mommas out there have a kiddos start kindergarten this year? How did you do? How did they do? Have an experience regarding kindergarten? Please share.

This is not a Drill

While floating in the pool this morning, gazing up at the sky, and listening to my children giggle and splash about a sudden sadness came over me. This was our last official day of summer break and boy was I going to miss this!

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I spent the next 2 hours simply watching my children. I admired how well they played together. How they made each other laugh. How they simply enjoyed each other’s company. I was going to miss this once school started. They will each be off to their own classrooms…and who knows what next summer holds. What if next summer is the summer our eldest wants to spend more time with her friends and less with her sister and brother? What if this was our perfect summer? Right then and there I decided I wouldn’t allow this summer to end (I am pretty sure the clinical term is denial). I would try my best to extend the essence of summer break. And so I did.

As we gathered in the car this evening to go to the children’s Open House I rocked my denial with an orange shirt, black pants, and flip-flops. As I signed up to participate in the classroom parties, denial! As I signed up for parent teacher conferences, denial! As I walked the halls and said hello to neighbors and friends it felt more like a dream than reality. As we entered our son’s kindergarten classroom which just so happened to have also been our eldest daughters kindergarten room I really slathered on the denial…no way my little man was going to start  kindergarten!

There I stood in the middle of our son’s kindergarten room and a slide show of images of my little man began playing…his birth…walking…him in his highchair…trips to the apple orchard…trips and falls…mommy kissing boo boos…MEEP MEEEP MEEEP MEEEP. My show was interrupted by the most absurd sound on this planet, the fire alarm! Followed by the teacher expressing, “This is not a Drill!”

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As we made our way out of the classroom and joined other families in the hall the MEEPING intensified. It was as if God was setting off a huge and extremely loud life alarm in hopes of getting me to wake up. To stop dwelling on the past, stop living in denial, to embrace the present no matter how hard. After all, life is not a drill!

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Are you living your life as if it is a drill? Do you think denial is a simple means for coping when life becomes too intense? Or maybe you are like me and simply have issue with the culmination of events, outings, shoot, even books (I wait days to finish reading the last page of a book because I don’t want it to end)? Ever wish motherhood came with a warning…warning: emotions will run deep?