You may find yourself in the position of having to co-parent after a divorce or separation. Divorce can bring a lot of unpleasant emotions to the surface.
If you have had a high conflict divorce, likely, a lot of these hurt feelings are still there. You have to deal with the emotional fallout from the relationship. Here are some ways to do so.
Address Your Anger
One reason why you may not be able to adequately function as a co-parent is because you have residual anger. Learning how to control this anger is the first step to peaceful co-parenting.
This is especially true if the divorce was caused by contentious arguments.
Managing your anger is essential or you will not be able to effectively co-parent. Whenever you see the other parents you will always want to take out your anger on them.
This can lead to lots of fighting before your children, it may even cause legal action. Try to find, out of Court Solutions instead. This will be better for your kids.
SafeGuard the Kids
You have to be careful about the image you project to your children about the next parent. Even though you may be angry at that parent, if bad things are always popping up in your mind you must keep this to yourself.
Any form of triangulation between your ex and the children is not acceptable and can be psychologically damaging. This could affect the children for years to come.
Part of coco-parenting peacefully is to accept your former spouse or who they are, but emotionally protecting your kids, and allowing them to make their own decisions about the other parent as they get older.
Identify Your Triggers
One of the things you must do is identify the things that trigger arguments between you and your ex. There may be triggering words or triggering actions in relationships that end in divorce is separation.
Triggers can become problematic when you have to co-parent together. You may inadvertently trigger and start an argument without even realizing what you’re doing. This is because the patterns have become very predictable and are a cycle.
The best way to handle this is to make all your interactions with your ex a conscious one. You need to think before you speak. You also need to think before you act. Spontaneous reactions that involve heavy emotions such as anger will only lead to conflict in the coco-parenting relationship.
As you can see there are a few things you need to consider before you can coco-parent peacefully. You need to make sure that you are taking care of your mental and physical health. If you’re not doing that then you will not be able to deal with any triggers that can cause conflict in the relationship.
You also need to be able to think clearly about the relationship between your ex and the children. You want to make sure that you are not doing anything to deliberately cast the other parent in a bad light as this could backfire on you.
As much as possible try to resolve any issues that may arise quickly for the sake of the children.