What is mindset? Mindset is the established set of attitudes set by a person. More importantly, what is a growth mindset? A way of viewing challenges and setbacks in life as an opportunity to learn and grow through resilience and gratitude. Having a growth mindset is hard! I’ll be the first to admit that I struggled to see any gratitude or benefit from the resilience I had experienced in the years prior to and during my divorce.
The years prior to my divorce, leading up to it, and during it were the hardest years of my life. To provide a quick recap, at year 18 of marriage my husband removed all of our money from the joint accounts we had had for 18 years together, turned off my phone, and after a turbulent year, I received divorce papers in October of 2021. I had been a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) for 16 years and was suddenly having to juggle being the mom, working full time, and practically having an additional full-time job of navigating the divorce process. There were also a few issues with the bills being paid during the process and the electricity and gas being turned off, nothing like losing all the food you have accumulated in your deep freeze over the course of time in addition to all the condiments, leftovers, groceries in the fridge, etc. Let’s just say the struggle was definitely real.
In the midst of the turmoil, trials, and tribulations of my life I started a new job as a first-year teacher, teaching 6th.7th, & 8th grade science per my mother’s encouragement that I, “could do it!”. She wasn’t wrong, under any other circumstance I could have really accelerated and enjoyed that opportunity. To be in the midst of a highly conflicted divorce while raising three children, maintaining a household, volunteering, running a blog, and caring for a special needs dog, was a lot, to say the least. While I enjoyed my time teaching 6th,7th &8th grade science, I will admit I was not my best. To be fair, who would be? They always say you should never make any big decisions, adjustments, or changes during a turbulent life-changing time in life such as a divorce. I was a hot mess and I thank all of you for your kindness, compassion, kind words, and understanding. I was at my lowest point in my life and I was most certainly not the best version of myself.
Where am I now? I am happy to say that my mindset has grown, I have encompassed gratitude, and more importantly forgiveness. I have forgiven one of the most significant people in my life, the person I used to continually beat up for falling short, not living up to other’s expectations, and falling prey to others’ judgments, myself. I have extended grace to myself and allotted for the hurt, pain, and even immaturity that was expressed through the hurt-felt emotions to be forgiven.
This leads me to my current mindset. I am happy to announce that I am no longer living by other’s expectations, assumptions, or judgments of my life and who I should be. I am embracing autonomy, fully owning my past, present, and future actions and reactions. I’m learning that I am responsible for who I am, what I am, and who I become, alongside God’s path and plan.
A lot has happened to me, a lot that I had no say in. I didn’t want to end a marriage of almost 20 years. I did not want to bring about this heartache in my children. I did not want to undergo such a significant life alteration. But that is all part of my story now, my scar, my growth, my resilience, and life is good.
I am working full-time teaching during the day, still volunteering at the church, running the blog before work, and meeting the children’s obligations and needs prior to and after work (and yes, I thankfully received help from my neighbors/friends and family getting all four of us to four different locations with one vehicle and one licensed driver would be impossible…thank you Michelle, Jodie, Kimberly, Samuel, Brian, and Laura). So where does the mindset play into this?
After a LONG week at work, juggling bills, blogging, volunteering, grades, etc. I finally arrived home, pulled into my driveway, parked my car walked up the path in my backyard, stepped onto my deck, and was instantly greeted by my son who was talking through the kitchen window, and my daughters and their friends who walked out onto the deck. I was literally greeted by so many warm souls eager to see me and tell me about their day, their wants, needs. I am their “person”, the person they can genuinely be themselves. It was at that moment I experienced gratitude like none other! When people, individuals, can, feel comfortable enough around you to fully be their crazy, silly, even offhumor selves it is such a huge honor and privilege. To know that others can fully be themselves around you even if they are at their absolute worst, behaving horribly, when their choices/decisions don’t align with the norms of society or the culture…when you are truly exhibiting unconditional love that is received and return with unadulterated trust that is one of the most magnificent gifts in the entire world. To give unconditional love means to not judge and not have some preconceived notion of how others are supposed to be living. Sadly a lot of individuals pass judgment on others. This is where I think having a healthy growth mindset also comes into play.
Additionally, with everything that has happened in my life, I have a choice, I can allow myself to become a victim of my circumstances or allow myself to grow, learn, and live my best life.
Mindset is a set of attitudes set by a person. We each have a choice every day, we can be a victim of other people’s life choices or we can take charge of our lives, and see the gratitude, benefit of resilience, and joy that comes with taking ownership of our own life.
In conclusion here are a few thoughts to leave you with; What if we were more open to not judging, to actually reflecting, receiving insight into a person’s life experience and where they are mentally, and emotionally, and being there for them? What if we didn’t first pass judgment but instead passed empathy?
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 