Feeling underappreciated? Feeling unseen? Feeling like you are just a bank account or a glorified maid/nanny? You are not alone. One in three married people over 45 says they feel lonely in their relationship. Why? It’s not just one thing but a combination over time. Contributing potential factors include parenting overload, unresolved conflict, distractions from technology, unmet emotional needs, falling into a routine, lack of emotional connection, and lack of quality time together. The question is, can it be saved? The quick answer, yes! Will it be easy? No. You will need to undo bad habits and stop placing your relationship on the back burner; it needs to be the priority. And it starts with this one thing!
Each partner wants to feel appreciated, seen, special, worth the time, effort, money, energy, etc.! How can you show your partner their worth? How can you be made to feel special? The answer is rather simple, or at least it sounds simple: make the time. Plan the date. Follow through. Be present. Value the time. Value one another.
Make the Time
There is nothing worse than feeling underappreciated. And to be fair, it goes both ways; each partner may feel underappreciated. They may feel like they are only a workhorse paying the bills, or a maid, the human version of artificial intelligence, simply fulfilling a monetary or functional goal, and at times, probably feeling invisible. Do you remember the last time you paused, looked into your partner’s eyes, and said “thank you”? Thanking them for all they do for you, the family, for simply being themselves? Validation helps your partner to feel seen. Words of affirmation are a good start. It’s important to follow through on an action that physically expresses those words of affirmation; without action behind the words, they can feel empty. Next, follow through with quality time, and plan a date night for you and your partner. Nothing can grow without proper nurturing, and this includes relationships.
Plan the Date
The purpose of the date is to spend quality time together, to grow and nurture your relationship. For the relationship to grow, you want to create a memory that will be deposited into the memory bank of an uplifting experience together. To do this, you want to seek a novel experience that will excite dopamine neurons, the hormone produced in the brain that activates the reward system, or the feel-good hormone. This is not to say that dinner at your “usual spot” is bad, just pair it with a novel experience afterward. The goal is to venture outside of your comfort zones together.
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Date Night Ideas in Toledo and the Surrounding Area
- Bird’s Eye View Circus (Circus class)
- The Handlebar Toledo (seasonal)
- AXE 419 indoor axe throwing
- The Sandpiper Cruises
- Cleland’s Outdoor World (Shooting Range/Archery)
- Maumee Indoor Theatre (only $7)
- Ritter Planetarium (Romance under the Stars)
- Dave & Busters
- Sundance Drive-In Theater
- Splat and Spin (who says the kids get to have all the fun, splat paint on your partner)
- The Art Supply Depot (Paint Pottery)
- Trapped Toledo
- Uncork the Artist (Paint Canvases Together & Sip on Some Wine, Romantic!)
- Copper Moon Studio and Gallery (create your own fused glass piece)
- Peace, Love, and Pottery (paint pottery)
- Foodology (Cooking Class)
- Gathered Glassblowing Studio (glassblowing workshops & events)
- Bowlero Bowling & Fun Center
- Registry Bistro (Wow her with a fancy dinner)
- Adventus Climbing (Rock Climbing)
- Hollywood Casino
- Valentine Theater Silver screen Theatre Classic Movies
- Go on a Gallery Hunt & enjoy lunch/dinner at the TMA café
- JAG Paintball (Invite more couples for some real competition)
- Board and Brush Creative Studios
- Q-Zar (Laser Tag)
- Sky Zone (Trampoline Park)
- 577 Foundation (Learn how to cook Lebanese, Indian food, etc.)
- Beauty Bar Couples Massages
- Sportway Go-Carts & Putt-Putt
- Go on a Scavenger Hunt in the Park
- Sloth Encounter
- Make your own bath bombs/soaps
- Glass art
- Roller Skating
- Ohio Caverns
- National Museum of the Great Lakes
- Hocking Hills
- Dow Garden
- Holden Arboretum
- Illusion Museum
- Top Pot Hot Pot Korean Food Experience
- Hidden Lakes Garden
- Volunteer to build a bed together
- Comedy Club and Restaurant
- Broadway Show at Stranahan
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Visit a Different City
Venture outside your community, your town, or your city. There is something for every price point and every budget. For example, in Cleveland, you could visit The Cleveland Museum of Art and eat in a quaint Italian restaurant in Little Italy (you know it’s good when everyone is willing to wait in line for over 40 minutes).
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Push Past the Resistance, Old Habits, and Follow Through
As the impending date night gets closer on the calendar, you’ll be amazed at all the excuses that present themselves. Suddenly, the sitter will cancel, you’ll have an unexpected bill, your car will break down, you’ll feel slightly under the weather, your partner will irritate you, and suddenly, the last thing you want to do is spend time with them. When all the excuses, emotions, and resistance build and you think you should cancel, that is when you NEED the date night even more! Resistance is funny that way, you can feel resistance building within you, it’s a potpourri of emotions, mostly fear, fear of the unknown, fear of having to say goodbye to those habits that weren’t serving your relationship, and a big fear is that your partner will realize you were a mistake. The fear that in the quiet of just the two of you together, you will have nothing to say, and your relationship will be stagnant. Here’s the thing: avoidance is not the solution. Push through the resistance. There is no stagnation with novelty. Your novel experience, doing something new together, is your security blanket.
Be Present
Establish rules for the date night. The third wheel on most dates that interferes with connecting with your partner is your phone. No phones, only looking at phones on occasion in case of an emergency, or better yet, have the ringer on and only look at the phone if it rings, so you are not tempted to hide and pacify behind the screen. Be present for your partner, show them they are worth all your time, and share your thoughts and insights on the novel experience. Stay focused on the present. Don’t bring up the past. This is not an opportunity for you to bring up their litany of shortcomings from the past. This is your opportunity to grow together.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs”. 1 Corinthians 13:4
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Value the Time
What a magnificent gift, to have another human being be a witness to your life and you to theirs, to grow together into the best versions of yourselves. Relationships are hard, take work, and are the most magnificent when constructive communication is accomplished. Communicate your expectations and rules for the date night beforehand to confirm that you are both on the same page. Issues only arise when each person has different expectations and neither shares said expectations with the other, then assumes it’s okay to reprimand their partner for not meeting their expectations. That is not fair. State your expectations beforehand. How do you envision the date? Have an open mind. Do not go into the date already pissed off about something that happened last week, earlier in the day, yesterday, etc. DO NOT sabotage your date night. The entire world could be gone tomorrow, value today, value the time together, and don’t waste it on negative thinking, resistance, fear, or your insecurities. That’s your partner, your person. Be open, vulnerable, humble, be kind, and remember why you fell in love with them in the first place.
Mom on the go in Holy Toledo 