So, what do I look for in a man? Funny you should ask. 😂 At this stage of my life, I can tell you it’s a hell of a lot different from what I might have said in my 20s. I want a man who genuinely wants me to become the best version of myself. Not someone who tells me whatever bullshit I want to hear, but someone who has my back, challenges me, calls me out when necessary, and encourages me to grow. Even when I get frustrated, pissed off, and don’t particularly appreciate hearing it in the moment. I want a man who sees my potential, even on the days when I’m too exhausted to see it myself.
And speaking of exhaustion, can we talk about the absolute circus that is my life?! Three kids in three completely different stages of life. College, high school, jobs, cars, car insurance, driver’s licenses, braces, appointments, bills, groceries, meals, laundry, landscaping, and enough pets to qualify for our own damn petting zoo. I’m basically running a small municipality over here. Oh, and somewhere in the middle of all that, I’m working full-time with autistic kiddos, spending evenings doing group therapy with K–8 students, teaching driver’s ed, and pursuing TWO master’s degrees. Your girl is TIRED.
Not complaining. I love my children, I’m passionate about my work, and I’m excited about the future I’m building. But holy hell, sometimes I would love for someone to recognize just how much goes into keeping this whole operation running. Because I WANT to be present. I want to laugh, play, be spontaneous, have adventures, and enjoy the people I love. But after seven hours in the classroom, two hours of group therapy, coming home to my own kiddos, answering emails, paying bills, and trying to remember whether we’ve run out of toilet paper again, sometimes there isn’t much of me left.
There’s a reason I feel so strongly about having a true partner. I’ve written before about starting over with $300, three kids, and a divorce I never wanted. That experience taught me just how much one person can carry, but also how much I still value having someone by my side.
And that’s where I think a good relationship can make such a difference. Not because someone needs to rescue you, but because having someone in your corner makes life feel a little less overwhelming.
Masculinity, Femininity, and Finding Your Person
I love masculine energy. Strength. Confidence. Perseverance. Leadership. A man who knows who he is, stands by his convictions, and doesn’t need to prove himself to everyone around him. But here’s something else I’ve learned: masculinity doesn’t always have to be loud. Sometimes it’s the quiet confidence of a man who remains calm when everything around him is chaotic. Someone who doesn’t create unnecessary drama, who can laugh at life’s absurdities, and who makes it easy for you to just be yourself.
And let me tell you, being able to be my completely weird, ridiculous, unfiltered self around someone is pretty damn priceless. I appreciate a man who brings that kind of calm into my life. Someone whose company makes even an ordinary evening feel like a welcome break from the chaos. There’s something incredibly attractive about a man who is comfortable in his own skin and makes you feel comfortable in yours.
I’ve also learned that protecting your peace during major life changes isn’t just about setting boundaries. It’s about surrounding yourself with people who make life better, who encourage your growth, and who allow you to be completely yourself.
And I love embracing my femininity. I LIKE being the woman in the relationship. I enjoy bringing my man coffee, doing thoughtful little things for him, supporting his goals, encouraging him, and finding ways to make him feel appreciated. I genuinely enjoy taking care of someone I love. But I also want to feel cared for. Not in some grand, extravagant, unrealistic way. I’m talking about the little things. Tell me I’m pretty. Notice when I’ve made an effort. Give me a hug when you can tell I’ve had a long day. Buy me flowers occasionally, just because.
Because somewhere between raising children, keeping a household running, and managing approximately 47 different responsibilities, it’s ridiculously easy to stop feeling like a woman and start feeling like a fixture in the background. And while we’re discussing romantic gestures, flowers are fabulous, but you know what else is sexy? Toilet paper. New towels. A decent set of pots and pans. Hell, show up with a 24-pack of Charmin and tell me I look beautiful, and we might just have ourselves a love story. 😂 Want my address? I’ll DM you.
Starting Over When Everyone Else Seems to Have It Figured Out
And can we talk about how exhausting it is to be rebuilding your entire life in your late 40s? I’m out here launching a whole new career alongside 24-year-olds while simultaneously trying to launch my own children into adulthood. WHAT EVEN IS THIS LIFE?! Some days I feel unstoppable. Other days I’m wondering how many more balls I can possibly keep in the air before one comes crashing down. But I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming. I’m proud that I haven’t given up. I’m proud that I’m still learning, growing, working, loving, and finding reasons to laugh through the absolute insanity of it all.
Divorce changes your perspective on relationships in ways you never anticipated. I recently shared what every mom should know before filing for divorce, because the decisions we make about marriage, family, and our futures have consequences that extend far beyond the relationship itself.
And I want a man who appreciates that journey. Not someone who feels threatened by my ambition or my independence, but someone who celebrates it. Someone who challenges me to keep growing while reminding me that I don’t have to have everything figured out today. Someone who can be strong without being controlling, supportive without being patronizing, and loving without trying to change who I am. And I want to offer him that same encouragement in return, because that’s the part I think gets overlooked. I don’t just want someone to make my life better. I want to make his life better, too.
So, What Do I Actually Look for in a Man?
A teammate. A best friend. Someone who makes me laugh, encourages me to grow, and appreciates all the ridiculous little things that make me who I am. A man who brings peace rather than chaos. Someone I can admire, respect, support, and genuinely enjoy spending time with. Someone who understands that I can be strong and independent while still wanting tenderness, affection, reassurance, and the occasional reminder that I’m beautiful. And someone who knows that behind the woman juggling three kids, multiple jobs, graduate school, and an entire household is still a woman who wants to feel loved, appreciated, and desired.
I don’t need a man to rescue me. I’ve already proven I can carry an extraordinary amount on my own. But damn, wouldn’t it be nice to have someone who doesn’t just admire how much I can carry, but occasionally reaches over and takes a few things out of my hands? And when he needs someone in his corner, I want to be the first person standing beside him. Because to me, that’s what a relationship should be. Two people who genuinely want to see each other thrive, who challenge one another, appreciate one another, and make this crazy thing called life a little more enjoyable.
And if he happens to show up with flowers, coffee, and a Costco-sized package of toilet paper? Well, ladies, that’s just marriage material. 😂
Now I’m curious. What do YOU look for in a partner? Has that changed as you’ve gotten older?
