The, “Why are you STILL a SAHM” Shaming….STOP Shaming Other Moms, No Matter Their Story!!!

So apparently if you are a SAHM who doesn’t homeschool and your youngest is in preschool you are totally looked down upon! This nonsense started WAY back in August! I cannot tell you how many times people, people who I call friends, have asked me, “So, what are you doing with all your free time?”….”So, you say you are busy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”…”Now that the kids are in school WHAT DO YOU DO!?” “You have your BS & MS, are you using those now or are your still JUST raising kids?”. I have to be honest these comments are so hurtful! It makes me feel like I am lazy, worthless, not pulling my weight in society, insignificant, a waste, shameful, etc. And the real kicker, I get it from both sides, the SAHM & working moms…and guess what, I have NEVER worked so hard in my life!!!

 

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True my oldest is in 4th grade, second child is in 2nd, and third is in preschool, all outside the home. So if you add it all up I have exactly 7-1/2 hours a week without children. Not quite enough for a fulltime gig. And truth be told, during that time I am usually doing something for others or, God forbid, taking a few minutes to myself, to reconnect with God, to have time away from the children, to center myself, to hopefully become a better mom. And then I am tossed back into the game of motherhood.

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My husband travels with work and I know there are some moms out there that can relate but based upon the comments I receive there are a lot who have no clue! Imagine if you will, your husband being gone for 4 days out of the 5 during the week, and possibly a Saturday here and there. Imagine you are the only person, parent there 4-5 days out of the 7. Imagine you are the sole provider of all meals, clean clothing, discipline, homework helper, chauffeur, religious guidance, etc. during the week & possibly for part of the weekend that often includes a birthday party, game, church (And you have a 1 year old EXTREMELY energetic Labrador puppy & are driving to PETCO every 4 days to buy crickets for the gosh darn Gecko…I love my pets, I do, put sometimes!!!)

 

I do ALL the meal planning, ALL the meal prep, ALL the cooking; packing of lunches, anything & everything with food is my responsibility exclusively! We kick it old-school. My husband busts his butt and is the sole provider of our family and I love him to death for all his hard work. And I am the sole provider of ALL things household & kid related, which might come as a big surprise to some people, but, IT IS A LOT OF WORK!!!! Children don’t come to this planet knowing how to do math, spell words, be kind to others, be respectful to other, having a relationship with God, etc. those are ALL taught by someone. And on those days when you wake up in the morning, make breakfast, get kiddos ready/dress, go to start the car & it doesn’t start it is ALL on you, it is your responsibility to make EVERYTHING run smoothly while your husband isn’t there! And when you have a rotten day & could use a hug in the evening and maybe some TLC but you have to keep going strong through bath time, showers, evening prayers & stories…no matter how you are feeling, when no one is there for you in the wee hours & you have to stay strong it doesn’t help hearing others’ voices reverberate comments in your head from earlier in the day, “SO, what do you do with ALL your FREE time?”

So, the next time you come in contact with a mother whose children are school aged and she is a SAHM, the appropriate reaction/comment might be, “That is awesome!”…”Wow, that is a lot of hard work, way to go!”….give her a hug…or better yet, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!!!!

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P.S. There are some moms out there who don’t feel comfortable sharing everything on social media or perhaps cannot due to respecting others involved & who are going through some rough times. Please, please remember to always be kind…BE KIND to ALL!

I love you ALL, single, married, small families, big families, working moms, SAHM, etc. but please work on being kind to one another…we ALL matter!

 

 

Pearls and Yoga Pants

Being a mother, though the most amazing gift in the world is not always the most glamorous! It is messy! The house needs to be cleaned, meals made, laundry done, kids chauffeur, etc. There are no red carpets, no amazing award shows, and no races requiring fancy hats! Let’s just say my son’s Boy Scout Pinewood derby is the fanciest derby I will be attending this year! Haha! So why dress up? Why wear jewelry? Why not just be comfortable? Why bother?

I subscribe to comfortable clothing; there is no denying the fact that yoga pants are the best!! Who wants jeans constantly riding up their bum while trying to clean the house and run errands? But perhaps Mrs. Cleaver was on to something. Perhaps letting yourself go too much, could have a negative effect? It might results in a motivationally challenged momma. This was precisely what I was two weeks ago!! That is until a pair of genuine pearl button earrings graced my ears!

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No joke, after putting on the pearls I suddenly felt different. I felt more important. I felt purposeful. I felt ambitious. And most importantly I felt luxurious! I now clean/tidy with such gusto and determination. I have officially channeled my inner Mrs. Cleaver.  The housewives of the 1950s were definitely on to something.  Maybe it is important to take pride in every job you do no matter how minimal it may seem, even cleaning floors and toilets. But I must admit it is a lot easier to take pride when you’re wearing pearls. (I am still working on my 1950’s housewives class, the pic below is anything but! lol!)

 

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These pearls have inspired me beyond just household cleaning. I am now taking more of an interest in what I am wearing. I used to enjoy picking out my clothes, having fun with colors & patterns but lost interest somewhere in between nursing bras & yoga pants. Haha! These pearls have helped me get my fashion mojo back and in a sense get back to myself, not the housewife version or mother version but rather me, simply me! And FYI- they have these really cool black button pearls too, check them out…for us hip, modern, happening mommas.

 

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I must admit, if a pair of earrings can do this much imagine what an entire strand of pearls could do? Besides I do believe they are feeling a little lonely. Hehe!

UPDATE: Pearl & Clasp is offering a special JUST for my readers!!! 15% off anything on the site!! Code is: pcsale. http://www.pearlclasp.com/ Stay up to date on all the latest happenings here.

Do you rock the yoga pants? What are your thoughts on the modern SAHM vs. the 1950s SAHM? When was the last time you cleaned the house with pearls on?

Disclosure: I received a pair of pink button pearl earrings to review, no other compensation was received, all thoughts & opinions are my own.

The Empty Crib Syndrome

 

I have really been in a funk lately. My mind has been a whirlwind of emotions & thoughts. Ever since my youngest, my baby, turned 4years old I have been giving myself a hard time. I feel this pressure, entirely from myself, but pressure no less, to work.  Not that I don’t work now, in fact I feel like this is the hardest I have ever worked in my life!  My husband and I are a bit old school. He works outside the home.  I do all the household chores, all things clothes and food related, and run the kiddos lives…school, homework, religious ed, sports, Scouts, clubs, B-day parties, etc. & lately I have been at the beckon call of our newest four-legged family member, Wyatt our Labrador puppy. So, you see, my life is extremely full. So what the heck is my problem? I think it all started 11 years ago when I received my Masters in Sustainable & Green Design. Incidentally, I received it in-between becoming a wife and a mother…talk about an emotional rollercoaster.

My intention was to get my Bachelors and Master’s degrees before children, in hopes of being able to rock the Interior Design world once they were in school.  I envisioned a couple kids, big house, fancy cars, and a lifestyle that would require two incomes. Then I had my first bundle of joy, second, and third, which only left me longing for more.  Oh how I long for more! I absolutely love motherhood, I love children, I honestly had no idea how much I loved children until I had my own. There is nothing I would love more in this world than to have a couple more adorable additions. I would gladly do the whole diaper, nursing, potty training, etc. all over again. I realize some may think I am crazy and that’s okay, ten years ago I would have thought I was crazy too. But it is what I yearn for, what my heart desires. I would gladly stay in this house forever, gone is the notion that a big house or fancy cars are of any importance. I have grown, I realize what is important in life, and it is the people, the relationships, those are the true treasures that should be worshiped. And I realize money is always a factor but it should be noted that children only need be as expensive as parents allow them to be…cloth diapers, nursing, secondhand clothes, public schools/homeschooling, limit extracurricular (when you have a lot of brother and sisters you can start your own Chess club, Scouts, etc.) potluck parties…you’d be surprised what children don’t actually need (i.e. iPad, iPhone, designer anything, their own cars). Unfortunately it doesn’t look like any more bundles of joy are in my future. It breaks my heart. And this has been the most difficult dream I have ever had to bury. But bury I must, until of course I see a pregnant woman, another mom asking if we are “done”, or advertisement for fostering/adopting, and then the feelings start stirring up again. Why must the thought of a new soul entering our family be so magnificent??? Ugh! I suppose I have true love to blame, oh true love…doing something for someone else without thinking about the pain it may cause you. Thus, I am at a crossroad in life. I am standing at the intersection of stay at home mom & working mom and screaming for directions!! My heart says stay at home but my mind says work!

I no longer have a baby or toddler in a crib, logic says I should move on and venture outside the home.  Shoot, “old me” before children (BC) me says go be that amazing Interior Designer you dreamt you would be and worked hard for your education to become.  After all women didn’t work so hard to overcome everything just so I would be a SAHM with professional degrees. But maybe they had it all wrong, maybe it was about options, being able to choose to stay home and be the most amazing person in 3 little children’s lives or maybe go to work fulltime, or part-time, my choice. Maybe for once I agree, when it comes to mom with a career vs. motherhood as a career it should be the woman’s choice.

I don’t know what my choice will be next year or even next month but for now I choose SAHM.

For now I am enjoying the company of my 4 year old and nursing a wounded heart going through the grieving process of an empty crib. Can you relate? How do you know when it is time? Time to be done with having babies? Time to go back to work?

 

Share Your Thoughts Thursday: Anne Romney and the Mommy Wars!

 

 

Did you happen to hear what Democratic consultant Hilary Rosen Stated? Ms. Rosen expressed that Mrs. Romney was no economic expert because she “hasn’t worked a day in her life.” Mrs. Romney instead chose to stay home and raise five sons. I included a clip and a link.

 

 

 

I am really interested in what moms have to say regarding this matter. Please feel free to vocalize your opinions and thoughts below.