So apparently if you are a SAHM who doesn’t homeschool and your youngest is in preschool you are totally looked down upon! This nonsense started WAY back in August! I cannot tell you how many times people, people who I call friends, have asked me, “So, what are you doing with all your free time?”….”So, you say you are busy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”…”Now that the kids are in school WHAT DO YOU DO!?” “You have your BS & MS, are you using those now or are your still JUST raising kids?”. I have to be honest these comments are so hurtful! It makes me feel like I am lazy, worthless, not pulling my weight in society, insignificant, a waste, shameful, etc. And the real kicker, I get it from both sides, the SAHM & working moms…and guess what, I have NEVER worked so hard in my life!!!
True my oldest is in 4th grade, second child is in 2nd, and third is in preschool, all outside the home. So if you add it all up I have exactly 7-1/2 hours a week without children. Not quite enough for a fulltime gig. And truth be told, during that time I am usually doing something for others or, God forbid, taking a few minutes to myself, to reconnect with God, to have time away from the children, to center myself, to hopefully become a better mom. And then I am tossed back into the game of motherhood.
My husband travels with work and I know there are some moms out there that can relate but based upon the comments I receive there are a lot who have no clue! Imagine if you will, your husband being gone for 4 days out of the 5 during the week, and possibly a Saturday here and there. Imagine you are the only person, parent there 4-5 days out of the 7. Imagine you are the sole provider of all meals, clean clothing, discipline, homework helper, chauffeur, religious guidance, etc. during the week & possibly for part of the weekend that often includes a birthday party, game, church (And you have a 1 year old EXTREMELY energetic Labrador puppy & are driving to PETCO every 4 days to buy crickets for the gosh darn Gecko…I love my pets, I do, put sometimes!!!)
I do ALL the meal planning, ALL the meal prep, ALL the cooking; packing of lunches, anything & everything with food is my responsibility exclusively! We kick it old-school. My husband busts his butt and is the sole provider of our family and I love him to death for all his hard work. And I am the sole provider of ALL things household & kid related, which might come as a big surprise to some people, but, IT IS A LOT OF WORK!!!! Children don’t come to this planet knowing how to do math, spell words, be kind to others, be respectful to other, having a relationship with God, etc. those are ALL taught by someone. And on those days when you wake up in the morning, make breakfast, get kiddos ready/dress, go to start the car & it doesn’t start it is ALL on you, it is your responsibility to make EVERYTHING run smoothly while your husband isn’t there! And when you have a rotten day & could use a hug in the evening and maybe some TLC but you have to keep going strong through bath time, showers, evening prayers & stories…no matter how you are feeling, when no one is there for you in the wee hours & you have to stay strong it doesn’t help hearing others’ voices reverberate comments in your head from earlier in the day, “SO, what do you do with ALL your FREE time?”
So, the next time you come in contact with a mother whose children are school aged and she is a SAHM, the appropriate reaction/comment might be, “That is awesome!”…”Wow, that is a lot of hard work, way to go!”….give her a hug…or better yet, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!!!!
P.S. There are some moms out there who don’t feel comfortable sharing everything on social media or perhaps cannot due to respecting others involved & who are going through some rough times. Please, please remember to always be kind…BE KIND to ALL!
I love you ALL, single, married, small families, big families, working moms, SAHM, etc. but please work on being kind to one another…we ALL matter!
4 thoughts on “The, “Why are you STILL a SAHM” Shaming….STOP Shaming Other Moms, No Matter Their Story!!!”
As a working mom’s I always get “you let someone else raise your kid” people just don’t get it. They don’t understand that even when I work a 24 hour shift, I am constantly texting to find out what my son is doing. I call him before his bedtime so he can tell me about his day and I can tell him I love him.
On my 2 days (48 hours) off I get “you only work 2 days a week”, so you should be doing this, this and that! People don’t understand that even though I “only work 2 days a week” I still work 48 hours, a whole extra day than a person with a 40 hr “normal” full time job.
It is horrible working a full day and being gone every 3rd night, but it’s a tradeoff I am willing to make to “spend more daytime” with my son.
I think it is a flaw of human nature that we judge others. We all have to look at our family and do what is best for our families, whats best for mine is different than yours.
Being a SAHM and a good one is LOTS of work!! I left a job I adored in HR to begin a 10 year stint staying “home.” However! As the kids grew, I was rarely at home. I volunteered at the kid’s school, our church, took every opportunity to go on field trips or to story hour, etc. There were no Bon-bons or Netflix or soap operas. My husband travelled as well. I remember soon after I started staying home, we were building a new home. I dealt with the day to day questions and chaos. It was one of the many hats that I wore. My job was anything having to do with the home, kids, or pets! I embraced it! I have since returned to a teaching/tutoring position in our school system. I do not work this job for the pay and benefits, but rather because it’s the perfect job with our 14 and 17 year olds schedule. I agree, the people that question are envious. I felt the same way at the comments but know it was best for our family. In fact, the older they get, the more they need you and the transportation you can provide them. Embrace your time at home!
Dear Mom on the Go,
Praise God for what you do! All of us have different gifts and ministries that we do to serve Him. I happen to homeschool, Direct Classical Conversations at Westgate Chapel and teach preschool but I do these things because it is what I feel God has called me to. Just keep your eyes focused on His calling and serve Him well.
On a side note if you have any moms that want to homeschool and need direction, I have been homeschooling for 15 years, love it and Classical Conversations is a fantastic program that pulls it all together. Feel free to pass along my email address: email@example.com.
Hebrews 6:10 God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. Your children are blessed to have a mom who is confident and knows what she is called to.
You go! I was a sahm until my youngest was in 5th or 6th grade and there r times I wish I could still be that mom. Because even when there are in school u can help out in their classrooms. And be a blessing to other kids and them a blessing back. But with having a college student coming up at the time when a fulltime career presented itself I decided it was time to become a working mom but even now I see how my kids would still benefit from being home even though two youngest r in high school and oldest is in college. So if u can make being a sahm work for you, do what works. Most likely those that r harsh toward u just wish they could be a sahm. May God Bless you and your family!