kids in school – Mom on the go in Holy Toledo

The, “Why are you STILL a SAHM” Shaming….STOP Shaming Other Moms, No Matter Their Story!!!

February 16, 2016February 17, 2016momonthegoinholytoledo

So apparently if you are a SAHM who doesn’t homeschool and your youngest is in preschool you are totally looked down upon! This nonsense started WAY back in August! I cannot tell you how many times people, people who I call friends, have asked me, “So, what are you doing with all your free time?”….”So, you say you are busy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”…”Now that the kids are in school WHAT DO YOU DO!?” “You have your BS & MS, are you using those now or are your still JUST raising kids?”. I have to be honest these comments are so hurtful! It makes me feel like I am lazy, worthless, not pulling my weight in society, insignificant, a waste, shameful, etc. And the real kicker, I get it from both sides, the SAHM & working moms…and guess what, I have NEVER worked so hard in my life!!!

True my oldest is in 4^th grade, second child is in 2^nd, and third is in preschool, all outside the home. So if you add it all up I have exactly 7-1/2 hours a week without children. Not quite enough for a fulltime gig. And truth be told, during that time I am usually doing something for others or, God forbid, taking a few minutes to myself, to reconnect with God, to have time away from the children, to center myself, to hopefully become a better mom. And then I am tossed back into the game of motherhood.

My husband travels with work and I know there are some moms out there that can relate but based upon the comments I receive there are a lot who have no clue! Imagine if you will, your husband being gone for 4 days out of the 5 during the week, and possibly a Saturday here and there. Imagine you are the only person, parent there 4-5 days out of the 7. Imagine you are the sole provider of all meals, clean clothing, discipline, homework helper, chauffeur, religious guidance, etc. during the week & possibly for part of the weekend that often includes a birthday party, game, church (And you have a 1 year old EXTREMELY energetic Labrador puppy & are driving to PETCO every 4 days to buy crickets for the gosh darn Gecko…I love my pets, I do, put sometimes!!!)

I do ALL the meal planning, ALL the meal prep, ALL the cooking; packing of lunches, anything & everything with food is my responsibility exclusively! We kick it old-school. My husband busts his butt and is the sole provider of our family and I love him to death for all his hard work. And I am the sole provider of ALL things household & kid related, which might come as a big surprise to some people, but, IT IS A LOT OF WORK!!!! Children don’t come to this planet knowing how to do math, spell words, be kind to others, be respectful to other, having a relationship with God, etc. those are ALL taught by someone. And on those days when you wake up in the morning, make breakfast, get kiddos ready/dress, go to start the car & it doesn’t start it is ALL on you, it is your responsibility to make EVERYTHING run smoothly while your husband isn’t there! And when you have a rotten day & could use a hug in the evening and maybe some TLC but you have to keep going strong through bath time, showers, evening prayers & stories…no matter how you are feeling, when no one is there for you in the wee hours & you have to stay strong it doesn’t help hearing others’ voices reverberate comments in your head from earlier in the day, “SO, what do you do with ALL your FREE time?”

So, the next time you come in contact with a mother whose children are school aged and she is a SAHM, the appropriate reaction/comment might be, “That is awesome!”…”Wow, that is a lot of hard work, way to go!”….give her a hug…or better yet, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!!!!

P.S. There are some moms out there who don’t feel comfortable sharing everything on social media or perhaps cannot due to respecting others involved & who are going through some rough times. Please, please remember to always be kind…BE KIND to ALL!

I love you ALL, single, married, small families, big families, working moms, SAHM, etc. but please work on being kind to one another…we ALL matter!

How I Spend my Free Time

October 1, 2014October 2, 2014momonthegoinholytoledo

I lay in bed strategizing ways to tactfully make my way down the stairs, grab my book from the living room, and make a mad dash into the family room without waking up a soul. It was going to happen, today was my day! I was going to do it! I was going to read! After all what is the point of being a part of a book club if you never get to read the darn book!? I glanced at the alarm clock it read 5:30am. Yes! I had the potential to read for an entire hour! The combination of anticipation, excitement, and adrenaline was enough stimulate that I even considered forgoing coffee right away….besides I had not contemplated a side trip to the kitchen, that could foil everything! It was go time!

I climbed over our 4 year old who was sleeping next to me. I tip-toed out of the room while holding my breath, for fear one exhale might be too loud and somehow heard over my husband’s snoring. Haha! I did a weird dance down the stairs in the dark trying to avoid the center of all stairs where the wood creeks. I then walked along the perimeter of the room as to avoid more creeks in the wood (old houses, gotta love em). My cat like reflexes really came in handy when I came in contact with two baseball bats on the living room floor that I had asked our son to put away…to be honest I lost my footing rolled a little, and came a quarter of an inch away from striking the keys on the piano. The dog heard me and barked. This just got real! I ran into the kitchen, forgot we put the baby gate up and half of my body went over it…I am certain it looked hilarious but man it hurt! Removed the gate, guided our blind dog down the stairs, opened the back door and let him out. Closed the back door and he barked to come in. Let the darn dog in walked around the kitchen to find that he was right; he did not need to go out to pee he had already taken care of that in the kitchen. For the love of books, why!!!! So I cleaned up the mess, finally broke his code, he wanted food. So I fed him and quietly walked back to the living room where my book awaited and my 4 year old holding a Belle dress. My dream of reading that morning was officially shattered. Within ten minutes everyone was up. …I wanted to cry but I didn’t. I went on with my morning routine, made breakfast, did laundry, made beds, did hair, daughter hated the way I did her hair so we redid hair, listen to girls argue over a doll, removed said doll, son was concerned about guinea pig because he was dirty, gave guinea pig a bath (because that’s what you do 20 minutes before school), daughter realized there was a back to her homework page, helped her finish her homework, threw some water on my face, put on clean underwear and grabbed clothes off the floor to wear, drove older kiddos to school, drove preschooler to school, and arrived home and glance over at my book, finally, alas! And my phone rang.

For the next two hours I helped a friend with a crisis, switched around the laundry, made dinner, edited pics, filled out forms the kiddos needed in order to get registered for various activities/field trips/etc., stopped at the bank to get preschool tuition and headed to preschool to pick up our 4 year old…all the while wondering how I might be able to finagle a way to read for 20 minutes later in the day.

Get home, make lunch, put 4 year old down for quiet time, 4 year old gets up from quiet time 3 times, finally she settles in with a few books for a little while, I clean bathroom, finish editing pics, workout for 20 minutes…noting I clearly did something to my lower half of my body when it came in contact with the baby gate (get yourself a Beach Body coach and accountability group…best thing ever!), plan a party (which was amazing…Frozen was the theme and kiddos got to build their own snowman…I included a few pics below), organize a few activities for our playgroup, take a call from a friend who needs someone to watch her kiddos…I am totally your girl! (Always make time for others, some of the best advice my momma has ever given me) .Get 4 year old up, we run to car, drive to pick up older kiddos from school when the real chaos begins.

Both kiddos jump in the car eager to tell me about their days and our 4 year old wants to chime too! It is a chorus of chaos those first ten minutes. Once home kiddos put bags on hooks, folders on table for me to go through, grab a snack, and we start on homework. One child reads aloud to me while the other does their math then they switch, I check work, and we go over spelling words while I put the finishing touches on dinner. Dad arrives home, kids set table, we eat, then the older two are off to religious education while I go to the Cub Scout meeting and learn about selling popcorn. All the while I am sitting in the pack meeting my mind keeps going back to the book I never got a chance to read and I wonder how I can do things differently tomorrow morning. Then the meeting is over, I pick up older two from religion education down the street, go home, bath/showers, sit out clothes for the next day, make lunches, and tuck in kiddos. I fold a load of laundry, but on my PJs, grab a glass of wine and that book I have been dreaming of all day and settle into bed. Ten minutes later I am out! LOL!

The next morning I basically go through the same routine but instead of preschool my 4 year old and I head to a playgroup meet up. There I enjoy chatting with other moms while she plays with other kiddos. While chatting one of the moms who has children who are not of school age yet asks me, “So, what do you do with all your free time now that the kids have school?” For a moment I felt complimented, clearly my tired eyes had not given me away and I must look refreshed. Then my blood began to boil a bit….and I thought, free time, what is that? But I finally came to the realization that all of us new moms, myself included, have hope and dream of a utopia like life that will present itself once the children are in school. Sadly it never happens but far be it for me to shatter this young mother’s dream. So, I truthfully replied, “I think about reading a lot.” And I am almost certain she thought I was crazy but that is okay. It is important that we allow those new moms who are in the thick of diaper changing, spit up, potty training, etc. to have their hope. In fact I know of a couple amazing friends who kept their mouths shut when I would dream about what life would be like once my children were in school…though looking back, they did always have a smirk on their faces.

Do tell, how do you spend you free time? Or perhaps I should rephrase the question, how do you dream about spending your free time some day? Haha!