February 2016 – Mom on the go in Holy Toledo

The, “Why are you STILL a SAHM” Shaming….STOP Shaming Other Moms, No Matter Their Story!!!

February 16, 2016February 17, 2016momonthegoinholytoledo

So apparently if you are a SAHM who doesn’t homeschool and your youngest is in preschool you are totally looked down upon! This nonsense started WAY back in August! I cannot tell you how many times people, people who I call friends, have asked me, “So, what are you doing with all your free time?”….”So, you say you are busy, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?”…”Now that the kids are in school WHAT DO YOU DO!?” “You have your BS & MS, are you using those now or are your still JUST raising kids?”. I have to be honest these comments are so hurtful! It makes me feel like I am lazy, worthless, not pulling my weight in society, insignificant, a waste, shameful, etc. And the real kicker, I get it from both sides, the SAHM & working moms…and guess what, I have NEVER worked so hard in my life!!!

True my oldest is in 4^th grade, second child is in 2^nd, and third is in preschool, all outside the home. So if you add it all up I have exactly 7-1/2 hours a week without children. Not quite enough for a fulltime gig. And truth be told, during that time I am usually doing something for others or, God forbid, taking a few minutes to myself, to reconnect with God, to have time away from the children, to center myself, to hopefully become a better mom. And then I am tossed back into the game of motherhood.

My husband travels with work and I know there are some moms out there that can relate but based upon the comments I receive there are a lot who have no clue! Imagine if you will, your husband being gone for 4 days out of the 5 during the week, and possibly a Saturday here and there. Imagine you are the only person, parent there 4-5 days out of the 7. Imagine you are the sole provider of all meals, clean clothing, discipline, homework helper, chauffeur, religious guidance, etc. during the week & possibly for part of the weekend that often includes a birthday party, game, church (And you have a 1 year old EXTREMELY energetic Labrador puppy & are driving to PETCO every 4 days to buy crickets for the gosh darn Gecko…I love my pets, I do, put sometimes!!!)

I do ALL the meal planning, ALL the meal prep, ALL the cooking; packing of lunches, anything & everything with food is my responsibility exclusively! We kick it old-school. My husband busts his butt and is the sole provider of our family and I love him to death for all his hard work. And I am the sole provider of ALL things household & kid related, which might come as a big surprise to some people, but, IT IS A LOT OF WORK!!!! Children don’t come to this planet knowing how to do math, spell words, be kind to others, be respectful to other, having a relationship with God, etc. those are ALL taught by someone. And on those days when you wake up in the morning, make breakfast, get kiddos ready/dress, go to start the car & it doesn’t start it is ALL on you, it is your responsibility to make EVERYTHING run smoothly while your husband isn’t there! And when you have a rotten day & could use a hug in the evening and maybe some TLC but you have to keep going strong through bath time, showers, evening prayers & stories…no matter how you are feeling, when no one is there for you in the wee hours & you have to stay strong it doesn’t help hearing others’ voices reverberate comments in your head from earlier in the day, “SO, what do you do with ALL your FREE time?”

So, the next time you come in contact with a mother whose children are school aged and she is a SAHM, the appropriate reaction/comment might be, “That is awesome!”…”Wow, that is a lot of hard work, way to go!”….give her a hug…or better yet, if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!!!!

P.S. There are some moms out there who don’t feel comfortable sharing everything on social media or perhaps cannot due to respecting others involved & who are going through some rough times. Please, please remember to always be kind…BE KIND to ALL!

I love you ALL, single, married, small families, big families, working moms, SAHM, etc. but please work on being kind to one another…we ALL matter!

The Chore Charts of 2016, Baby!!

February 1, 2016momonthegoinholytoledo

It has taken me a few weeks to admit this but I have fallen into a rut. I have become a bad influence on my children. I have become that mom I never wanted to become, the “I got it” mom, the mom who does it all…the laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the kitchen, bathroom, making beds, emptying trash, tidying, dusting, etc. Why? Well, quit honestly, because it is easier. It is far easier for me to do it all then to have to deal with bickering, complaining, redirecting, etc. Then it dawned on me the other day that I might be making things easier on myself and perhaps even my children in the short term but what about long term, what would the future hold? I suddenly foresaw college roommates who despised me, future son-in-laws who detested me, a future ex-daughter-in-law, and don’t even get me started on the repercussions my actions would have on my grand babies!! It’s time to MOM UP and delegate chores!!

First things first, I ditched the word chore, I can’t stand it! Just saying it out loud leaves me bitter. You add the word chore to any task, even getting a massage and it sounds like torture.

Second I removed any type of chart or time consuming device that helped keep track of children’s responsibilities, I know myself well enough to know what will work and what will not. I have been there and done the charts, graphs, magnets, etc. and sure they worked for a month or two but nothing worked for the long haul. Until now….welcome to the future of chore charts……

Mission Partition

(It rhymes, added bonus! I love rhyming words more than my preschooler, lol!)

I know it looks like an ordinary gallery wall displaying all that is near & dear to me, right!? But it also doubles as a location to place each child’s responsibilities for that week a.k.a. missions for the week. Kiddos preferred the term missions because it sounds cool…I believe the exact words my 10 year old stated were, “missions sound epic, I can say I have to go home and complete my missions before I can play!”.

Missions for the week are assigned on Monday mornings & should they choose to accept their daily missions in return they can have screen time. They are each also offered a challenge for the day and/or week. Should they choose to accept that challenge they have the potential to earn some money that week….up to $5 in one week if they complete ALL challenges everyday!

Missions include:

Set Dinner Table

Clear Dinner Table

Feed Dog

Clean up Dog Poop

Take out Recycling

Organize Shoe Rack

Match Socks

Take out Trash

Place dishes in Dishwasher

Dust Living Room

Clean Personal Space/Room

Clean Bathroom

Vacuum

Fold Laundry

Put Laundry Away

Need help determining what is an age appropriate mission? CLICK HERE

Challenges for the week are tasks specific to the season/event going on that week, etc. such as, help clear snow, rake leaves, weed garden, clean family room etc. Best Part about the Mission Partition, it saves me so much time, all I have to do is add the missions for the week with a dry erase marker and update challenges as need be, now that is my kinda “chore chart”!

Tips for creating a Gallery Wall:

Decide on a color palette….don’t worry if you can’t find frames in the color you want, you can spray paint frames any color!! So hit up second hand shops for frames and give them a new updated look with spray paint.
Have a variety of textures…..smooth, reflective, sequence, rough, etc. locate items around the house or purchase items that mean something to you, perhaps they remind you of vacation, a fond memory, etc.
Have a variety of sizes/shapes….vary the shapes and sizes & balance each so that it is aesthetically pleasing to the eye, i.e. don’t place all the large items on one side together, vary them throughout the wall
Asymmetrical….always hang an uneven number of items, 3, 5, 7, etc.
Template the entire wall….purchase tracing paper & wall putty, trace each object (including where the item is to be hung with a little dot) and place on the wall. Play with the arrangement and live with the layout for a day or two…this is a step you should not rush!
Once everything is arranged to your liking double check that everything is level and get out that drill, baby!! It is go time!