I was at my wits end! My husband and I had had one of those epic arguments where we totally lost focus mid-disagreement and suddenly reverted back to adolescents. We were no longer attacking the issue but rather, each other’s character. It didn’t take us long to annihilate each other with our cut throat, dagger through the heart kind of words. We each walked away feeling entirely defeated, deflated of hope, and wounded. What I needed was a good friend’s shoulder to cry on, help mend my wounds, and offer some sound advice on my journey back to adulthood. What I received ended up being much the opposite, in fact I would say it is probably the WORST marriage advice I have ever received!
On this date 9 years ago my husband and I stood before our friends, family, Priest, and God and proclaimed our love, trust, bond, and commitment to one another in Holy Matrimony. I remember walking down the aisle with such joy in my heart. I had made a considerable amount of important decisions in my life but when I said “Yes, I will marry you” that was by far the most important! Two years and much planning later, I walked down that aisle stood before everyone and confidently proclaimed “I do”.
9 years later and I still do. Our marriage has grown and evolved over time and with each life altering event we learn more about one another. Of course the most life altering events, the birth of our children, which has greatly transformed each of us, it is precious to see the amazing father my husband has become. But everyday can bring about a new challenge or even path in the journey called Holy Matrimony. So I collated a few tips that I feel are helpful to remember when entering or maintaining a marriage.
- I am a work in progress. I am not perfect, I am human.
- My spouse is not perfect, he is human too. “I would rather live with his dirty socks on the floor and computer bag by the front door than live without him”.
- Love and value each other and not “stuff”.
- If you are wrong, mistaken, or did not follow through on a promise admit it, own it! Apologize, rectify, and most importantly, move on! (I like this scene in the Lion King ….It’s in the past! Clip below)
- Always remember the golden rule: Treat your spouse how you would like to be treated.
- Think before you speak. Is what you are about to say valid in the long run or are you simply experiencing a moment of frustration? How is what you are about to say going to influence your spouse’s day?
- The silent treatment is more harmful than helpful.
- You can’t give your spouse the responsibility to make you happy. Genuine happiness can only come from you. That being said…..
- Things will not always go your way or how you envisioned them unfolding. When this occurs you have options; this is where that wise saying comes into play, “Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react”.
- Money will come and money will go but the memories will last a lifetime.
- Always kiss each other goodbye and end a phone conversation with “I love you”.
- Value and love your spouse not “stuff” or materials. Obviously you need to maintain your livelihood but at what cost? Is a large home, fancy car, designer clothes, etc. worth both of you working late and never seeing each other?
- Unplug and shut off screens when speaking with your spouse, give your spouse your undivided attention. Isn’t that why you got married?
- It is called Holy Matrimony for a reason. Here comes another valuable saying, “The family that prays together stays together”. And trust me, in marriage there is a lot of praying!
Marriage is tough at times and those who say otherwise are not being truthful. However it is also one of the most amazing journeys. It is comforting to know that I have a witness, partner, lover, and friend to share this journey with and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
In honor of the past 9 years I had hoped to put something together that included just my husband and me, but apparently our life didn’t officially start until we had children (or at least we didn’t actually purchase a camera until we had children). So without further ado….a dedications to me and you…..
Have any valuable lessons or tips to share about marriage? Maybe a story to share?